Miscellaneous: Stay out of it

Stay out of it

By feelsterrible - 09/08/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 358

You deserved it 54 880

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Same thing different taste

By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 235

You deserved it 60 903

By sh3n-D - 07/06/2012 21:26 - Denmark - Herning

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 660

You deserved it 39 201

Spooky season has begun

By Anonymous - 04/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 161

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 337

You deserved it 3 085

By Ashley - 07/10/2013 06:11 - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 281

You deserved it 8 083

By anon - 05/04/2017 04:00

Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 705

You deserved it 758

By 404: sense not found - 08/06/2014 18:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 345

You deserved it 7 344

By shitless88 - 20/08/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 866

You deserved it 4 266

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 141

You deserved it 5 835

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 36 355

AGhost5445 25

Friday 10 August 2012 0:05

He should have beat the shit out of you.

Shrike 23

Friday 10 August 2012 0:05

Pretty sure you already did, OP.

Comments

jpqm32 3

Saturday 11 August 2012 21:23

This is funny as hell

gabbyvalle 2

Sunday 12 August 2012 16:58

Hilarious!!

semperfilove 0

Monday 13 August 2012 1:30

Pahahaha that's not wrong at all that's funny :D

Supernovas_Child 13

Monday 13 August 2012 2:10

Yeah, that was really ******* stupid, not gonna lie. I hope his friend was okay...

xmaximusx 12

Monday 13 August 2012 9:50

Friends sisters always want to get you into trouble... Thats whats so hot about it! Trust me dude it was probably worth the beating

livelaughlove151 4

Thursday 16 August 2012 6:23

man funniest thing i read all day lolol

Tooty582 0

Friday 17 August 2012 19:33

I din't believe in reincarnation :/

Tooty582 0

Friday 17 August 2012 19:33

I don't believe in reincarnation :/

fj19 9

Sunday 19 August 2012 16:10

He deserved it, bro. No worries.

Iniezian 18

Wednesday 29 August 2012 21:50

And who is he to control who his sister chooses to sleep with?

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Cute Haircut Miscellaneous Relatable Work Cars You're fired Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Capitalism Frustration Coworkers Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Mental health Technology

The Top

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 242

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 2 713

The Top

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and me. It started with, "I love you", and ended with,"You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 131

You deserved it 2 840

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 3 710

Today, after recently rekindling an old relationship, I discovered a whole new world when I found his secret Twitter account. Apparently he's now a cross-dressing, submissive, financially dominated "slave" for doms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 032

You deserved it 837

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 41 620

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 560

You deserved it 2 733

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 117

You deserved it 3 185

Stay out of it

Same thing different taste

Spooky season has begun

Noise machine

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