Thanks, Mom

By The Towel Molester - 26/01/2012 14:49 - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
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You deserved it 3 307
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Top comments

slick5880 22

How does one go about "molesting towels?"

113 3

Comments

LoneStarTexan 6

Why did you molest the towels OP? :/ The towels have feelings you know.... O.o

1 7
mama2b3 20

Your mom sure has a way with words. .

4 1
DjeePee 24

Uhm, why are you talking about 'giving their daughter'? Is she your birthday present or something like that? Strange custom. In my world, it aren't the in-laws who decide who their daughter will be with, but the daughter herself. Let's hope she don't fancy towels too much, shall we?

29 27
DocBastard 38

DGP - I wouldn't take that phrase at face value. I asked my father-in-law to give me his daughter's hand. It's just a nice old-fashioned way of asking his permission. I wasn't literally asking him to give her to me.

26 7
moop256 10

It's people like you that killed chivalry 21. Oh my poor Islamic brotherhood...

6 13
DjeePee 24

Pff, in this context, I take it literally. By the way it is written, it looks like he cares more about the in-law's opinion than that of their daughter - his love. And what had the Islam to do with this?

11 18
TexasMud 8

In my world, it aren't is improper.

14 6
peachesncreem 21

Try 'isn't it'. See how that works.

0 4
peachesncreem 21

Phone crapped out. Ignore my last comment. I meant to say: Try reading your comment out loud to see how ut sounds. Which sounds more correct when you say it?

1 1
wisese 0

OP could have phrased this is "asking his in-Law's for their daughter's hand in marriage" or "asking his in-Law's for their blessing", as opposed to "giving him their daughter". There's a way to follow tradition without making it sound as if the girlfriend is someone's property.

4 0
McAninch35 9

You guys are a bunch of tightasses. Let's give OP the benefit of the doubt here and assume it isn't an arranged marriage. In Australia. Then get over it and move on.

2 1
bizarre_ftw 21

50 - chivalry was murdered?! O.O I thought it died of natural causes

1 0
Dashelle 25

#21, my thoughts exactly. My parents didn't approve of my and my husbands marriage because my older sisters didn't get married first. My sisters are now 34 and 31, still unwed. I don't see the point of keeping the image that women have to get approval to be married, especially with all the screwed up parents out there. Chivalry is more of a battle code, anyway.

0 0
Calyx_fml 21

That's what you get for making your mom clean your teenage masturbational spooge off of her towels. You should have used tissues you towel molester.

18 0
Brainspoil 2

stop jerking it on towels, use a little more common sense. at least don't wash them yourself.

2 7
THE_A_TEEN 27

Don't jerk off to towels, but don't wash them? What?

15 0
perdix 29

That explains why you and your fiancée are registered only at "Linens & Things." And why you've requested no Things.

22 3
flockz 19

he probably has a secret underground tunnel that filters into one of their wearhouses. what a dirty dog OP is.

11 0
Pelreskovich 11

Well the first step would be for you to stop molesting towels. Second step is to keep alcohol away from your mother. Your mom sounds like a lunatic though..

2 1
DocBastard 38

Ford Prefect would be very disappointed with you. What, no one? Oh well.

9 3
TheNewGuy03 28

Well, he might miss that Vogon ship by a strand if he's not lucky. |the kid|

2 1
loserman67 35

I'm not sure what the bigger problem is here: A: The fact that you routinely jerk-off into a towel, meaning: 1. Your girlfriend isn't giving it up 2. You're a raging testosterone factory 3. You have a towel fetish OR B: Your mother drinking an entire bottle of wine by herself, meaning: 1. She has a serious drinking problem 2. She is ashamed of you and needs a lot of alcohol to face her issues 3. Your "mommies little boy" and she donesn't want you to get married and move out My advice: 1. Leave mommy's towels alone 2. Get your girl to give up the booty 3. Give you mother the address to AA 4. If all else fails, get some nice warm socks and a big trash can.

12 3
pinkcrayola 0

If they're getting married I'd hope she's giving him some...otherwise I don't blame the guy for trying to get some from the towels

5 2
TexasMud 8

Honestly I didn't bother reading your comment, I was too focused on your corvette. Well hopefully it's yours, soooo can I go for a spin? Ofcourse I'd let you come, Her tires are probably begging to be warmed. Anyways is it a 66 or 67? I don't know much about c2s, but c3s are more my area of comfort. 4 speed? 6pack? 327?

0 0