Alcohol and Miscellaneous: The mouthfeel

The mouthfeel

By rookiemistake - 27/04/2015 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 941

You deserved it 10 130

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Same thing different taste

First impressions

By medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 977

You deserved it 8 217

Business casual

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 260

You deserved it 5 588

By tryandtryagain - 28/04/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 480

You deserved it 29 794

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 255

You deserved it 46 578

The wedding from hell

By Anonymous - 04/04/2023 14:00

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 907

By blegh - 16/01/2009 04:57 - Switzerland

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 848

You deserved it 6 268

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 14:59 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 961

You deserved it 9 791

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 268

By butterfingers - 06/12/2013 07:08 - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 283

You deserved it 17 996

By isuckasawaitress - 12/12/2011 17:08 - Singapore

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 888

You deserved it 5 202

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Monday 27 April 2015 12:20

Wearing a white shirt while wine tasting? You like to take chances :)

Cads1 24

Monday 27 April 2015 12:15

Guess you should have swallowed that.

Comments

NickEd 11

Monday 27 April 2015 12:34

They were all probably copying eachother

limegreenpoopie 31

Monday 27 April 2015 12:37

There's a first time for everything, eh?

beararm 11

Monday 27 April 2015 12:38

it's all about looking smug while doing it, nxt thing u know everyone will b spitting on a white shirt ...

Camo23 21

Monday 27 April 2015 12:42

Stick to whiskey from here on out.

wakemeupplease 21

Monday 27 April 2015 12:49

Just be yourself life is better when you're original not a copy

pats2004 17

Monday 27 April 2015 12:55

I hope you didn't wine about that

zarabsegin 16

Monday 27 April 2015 13:27

This made me blow more air out of my nose than usual.

WitEluded 13

Monday 27 April 2015 13:28

There's always that one person who can't handle their alcohol

LoveNnyl 23

Monday 27 April 2015 13:36

Why would you wear white at a wine tasting?

Stillo 25

Monday 27 April 2015 13:42

You should just have been like "WHAT?! I did it on purpose" *sigh people* - :D

Nilorak 24

Monday 27 April 2015 22:49

Why would anybody choke on wine on purpose? ?

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The Top

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 81

Today, my boyfriend "proposed" to me. When we first started dating, he told me that he hated the concept of marriage and absolutely never wanted to go through with it. So I laughed and turned him down, obviously thinking it was just a joke. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 237

The Top

Today, in the subway, a man ran up to me, grabbed me, and starting hugging me. He wouldn't stop hugging me, and his grip was too tight. I don't know what's worst, basically being harassed, or not being able to remember the last time I was hugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 3 858

Today, we received the answer to a report we filed against a calculus teacher from our high school, who was sexually harassing several girls from our group, most of them still underage. They won't sack him because he's a tenure teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 124

Today, I've lied about my grades for three years of high school already and my mom thinks I'm a straight A student. I'm supposed to be going to college in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 1 652

Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 821

You deserved it 2 446

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 586

You deserved it 4 734

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 728

You deserved it 4 401