Work: Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 00:11 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 082

You deserved it 2 212

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Close, so close

By perpetuallyscrewed - 06/10/2009 04:06

Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 899

You deserved it 2 189

Promoted!

By Worst Way To Get Promoted - 25/09/2019 16:00

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 866

You deserved it 1 672

Gottem

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 21:07 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 772

You deserved it 6 728

By Anonymous - 22/06/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 070

You deserved it 3 937

By no new apartment for me - 18/07/2013 19:53 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 697

You deserved it 4 215

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 804

You deserved it 3 421

By Nanda - 14/06/2016 06:03 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 440

You deserved it 1 156

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 652

You deserved it 2 383

By Anonymous - 06/07/2012 02:13 - United States

Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 292

You deserved it 2 733

kyat288 9

Sunday 30 September 2012 9:39

Walk up to him and whisper 'sore dicksss' and punch him in the groin

Big_lama6 7

Sunday 30 September 2012 9:40

That unemployment line isn't looking so bad anymore

Comments

Dnigz13 4

Sunday 30 September 2012 12:46

Unless he threatened to do something sexual involving horse dicks I don't see what's so terrifying, if someone said that to me IDE probably laugh and just ask wtf

Mister_Triangle 21

Monday 1 October 2012 10:51

Yeah, people on FML are humorless voids of sexual harassment lawsuits. You probably need an oddball sense of humor to work night shifts. I'd gladly take OP's job over my unemployment

DocBastard 38

Sunday 30 September 2012 13:11

There's no reason to be scared unless he has one and plans on using it on you.

tmmundy 17

Sunday 30 September 2012 14:57

I agree with Doc, if he tries to corner you, run like hell and never return.

NeonPopRocks 14

Sunday 30 September 2012 15:28

Or unless he's a Centaur.

Stardew 19

Sunday 30 September 2012 13:18

That's when you turn to face him, say 'I'll show you a horse dick', wink and casually go back to your work.

bstudds 1

Sunday 30 September 2012 13:19

strange, definitely! but I'm not sure it warrants terror

MissLizWolf 8

Sunday 30 September 2012 13:21

HAHAHA, gotta love #5 and #6's comments! I think it's hilarious! At least you know they don't hate you, maybe they're just funny, nice people, I'm sure you'll have fun(: