Love and Kids: Today, I became a father. I don't know how to tell my wife. FML - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Timon Nowak - 07/10/2017 21:45 - Poland - Grabownica Starzenska

Today, I became a father. I don't know how to tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 10 542

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

really_dad? 14

Saturday 7 October 2017 22:29

You expect sympathy? **** you stop putting your penis in everything you see

ezrajab 22

Saturday 7 October 2017 22:44

Serves you right never cheat and hurt someone you are supposed to be with exclusively! YDI

Comments

azouwa 26

Wednesday 4 October 2017 23:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16

Saturday 7 October 2017 22:16

“When a man drinks too much and thinks he loves a woman...”

really_dad? 14

Saturday 7 October 2017 22:29

You expect sympathy? **** you stop putting your penis in everything you see

ViviMage 39

Sunday 8 October 2017 2:35

But he's already ******......

ezrajab 22

Saturday 7 October 2017 22:44

Serves you right never cheat and hurt someone you are supposed to be with exclusively! YDI

exileonmainst 16

Saturday 7 October 2017 22:53

"Honey, I've been meaning to tell you.. For the last nine months you've been pregnant and today you gave birth!" "Yeah, no shit!"

sadh3 12

Sunday 8 October 2017 0:52

Um, what?? I am fairly certain that the person that OP impregnated was not his wife.

raven_of_azarath 34

Sunday 8 October 2017 5:01

That's the joke.

exileonmainst 16

Sunday 8 October 2017 10:12

Could you please tell me you're just joking sadh3? Even if you weren't, just say it.

lonelyny1945 8

Saturday 7 October 2017 23:03

Everybody jumping to the worst conclusion. Maybe he just means that today he decided to become a Catholic priest and should now be addressed as "Father." The whole wife thing is still an issue of course.

kirby1964 20

Sunday 8 October 2017 13:12

Actually no, men who are already married can become a priest in the Catholic Church and not have to get a divorce.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Saturday 7 October 2017 23:04

You admitted to cheating on your wife and you want sympathy? You're kidding me, right? I hope she sends you to the curb and takes everything from you in the divorce.

Zachary8261 28

Saturday 7 October 2017 23:16

I hope you’re proud of yourself. You cheating piece of shit.

Lobby_Bee 17

Saturday 7 October 2017 23:54

There really isn't a good way to let your wife know about this, but do expect a painful slap to the face for starters.

Sandra Foran 10

Sunday 8 October 2017 1:03

You sir, are a sack of shit. I hope your wife leaves you and takes everything you own.

Keywords

Embarrassing Miscellaneous Cute Christmas Work Am I overreacting? Cats Holidays Shopping Gifts Awkward Relatable Friends Health Hair Poopoo peepee Money Education Animals Gross Neighbours Cops Sex Intimacy Smells Love Painful First Dates Music Social Media

The Top

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 530

You deserved it 5 996

Today, I found out that my sister is one of those people who thought that "Obamacare" and "The Affordable Care Act" were two different things, and now my niece's health is no longer going to be covered due to upcoming cutbacks. Guess who my sister voted for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 145

The Top

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 220

You deserved it 52 053

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 809

You deserved it 9 920

Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 578

You deserved it 12 389

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 631

You deserved it 5 834

Today, I joined my crush for their workout class. I didn’t realize it was an advanced class. Ten minutes in, I was gasping for air, bright red, and drenched in sweat. The instructor had to stop and ask if I needed a paramedic. My crush offered me a cup of water along with a look of deep concern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 412

Today, I ordered 3 bananas on Instacart, but actually received 3 overripe bunches of bananas. I don’t know what to do with 18 bananas before they all rot by tomorrow night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 219