Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take... - FML

By michael - 14/02/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 191

You deserved it 42 016

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Your brain on alcohol

By michael - 17/07/2019 12:07

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 2 928

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 67

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 930

You deserved it 4 012

By SprinklerDodger - 08/06/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 719

You deserved it 2 424

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 792

You deserved it 2 217

By BrownDump - 14/05/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 14 194

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 2 087

By Sparks - 13/03/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 739

You deserved it 14 989

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 00:59

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 503

You deserved it 4 519

You played yourself

By anon - 25/03/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 118

You deserved it 68 676

Next

Top comments

LaColombianita 26

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:01

You're just full of shitty ideas aren't you, OP?

LookOnBrightSide 12

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:01

Guessing that isn't the best idea in the world, OP. Next time, stick with regular toilets, especially when drunk.

Comments

xXWorstLuckXx 0

Thursday 16 February 2012 4:11

"splat" ..Headshot..

MiddleThumb 0

Thursday 16 February 2012 5:03

Really? You just figured that out?

Sp30032 6

Friday 17 February 2012 0:04

If you just figured that out, you must have not used your head, because it went splat. GET IT? Lol...?

anon_anon_anon 1

Saturday 18 February 2012 1:16

EPIC XD not a good idea by any means but we all do stupid shit sometimes when we're drunk :P If it makes you feel any better I admire you having the balls to even try that! XD

yaoifreak 8

Tuesday 21 February 2012 4:37

How'd you figure that out?????(sarcasm)

KittyHawkMarch 29

Tuesday 10 April 2012 0:51

oh really, I would have never guessed!

WoldowJR 25

Saturday 28 September 2013 23:16

I'm not sure if he ended up getting it all over himself, or if he fell out of the window.

peanuty001 19

Monday 27 January 2014 23:35

only in FML is where you'll find a full debate about shit

DevinCam03 14

Sunday 18 May 2014 10:26

The Englishmen Irishmen And Scotsmen Joke Is VAliD

airepost 7

Saturday 24 May 2014 10:52

You definitely deserved it...but that is funny as hell

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The Top

Today, I was working my job checking people in at the gym. A sweaty, chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied, "We like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said, "So how did you get the job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 926

You deserved it 15 103

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, my dad threatened to hit me if I didn't tell him what I had in my homework. He thinks I won't keep secrets from him this way. There's a reason I kept secrets in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 90

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 919

You deserved it 44 883

Today, my boyfriend started a six month jail stint. The last thing he gave me was his phone, on which I discovered $30,000 in credit card debt. Why didn’t I go after the guy who went to dental uni? FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 1 106

Today, I had to restrain my neighbour because he and his wife were so stoned that they were trying to have sex on my lawn. I got close enough to find out they have matching genital piercings, a ring through her clitoris and an identical ring in his penis. I need therapy, or alcohol, lots of alcohol FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 165

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 282

You deserved it 4 986

Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 041

You deserved it 3 961