If only there was a button for that...

Theres a comment section too captain obvious. Everyones option is YDI, FYL or could have happened to me/ phew glad it wasnt me. Comments are for extensions of thought, questions, debate ect. using your train of thought a thumbs down would have sufficed

The same could be said for your case, 22. That rant was completely unnecessary.

If OP already found out there's no need to confirm the situation.

Yes, because things are always exactly what they seem to be, right, 16? Please don't ever date anyone. Or go outside. Save the world from your own ignorance.

So 27, if you happen to see your wife/husband with their ex at a marriage counselor you can't assume anything?

Not saying you can't. Just that to assume it's because they're trying to hook back up with their ex, without talking to them and trying to see if there's some other answer, is stupid. As many other people have stated, they could be doing it to learn to interact better for the sake of themselves or their kids. It's not necessarily a matter of them trying to get back together. Assuming the worst without looking for other possibilities is how relationships and lives get ruined.

It can't be that complicated. You just summed up the entire situation in a single sentence.

"her man" technically at this moment would be OP. So you're suggesting for OP talk to himself. Even with "her man" being the ex, one of two situations is possible: 1. (the most likely possibility) The ex knows she's married. And he's still willing to see a marriage counselor with her knowing that. Talking to him won't do anything. 2. The ex doesn't know she's married. In which case the wife is a liar/cheater/whatever. I guess talking to the ex would possibly be good in that situation as it might cause both of them to leave the wife.

I'm pretty sure he meant "talk to her, man"

If that is the case, then we perfectly demonstrate the importance of using punctuation.

Or we perfectly demonstrated using your brain and using context. Yes punctuation is very important, not saying it's not. But sometimes if you just read and use your head you can easily figure out what someone is trying to say.

As stated before. She could just be trying to better their relationship for the children. There are plenty of reasons to do couples therapy and not all of them involve getting back together. Don't be narrow minded about things.

#11 She shouldn't have to keep it to herself if it was only for that reason, and since OP had to find out the hard way i'm thinking she was using professional help as a way to ask advice on how to leave OP for the ex.

I already covered that, it's why I said "It's a long shot, because in guessing she was keeping it a secret..." and "I hope this is the case, but she still shouldn't have hid it, makes her seem guilty of something more."

I agree with you that you could be right about it, but due to the example you listed, your parents had a reason to see one because they had YOU. I think we need more details from OP on whether or not his wife and her ex had kids together, and if not why would she keep it a secret from her husband? What reason would she have to try and be on better terms with the ex? Please more info OP!

Plus if her ex is married maybe he and his new wife were seeing the counselor first and brought her in to help resolve issues that might be repeating themselves in his new marriage. Maybe gambling, or abuse, or something... . There are many possibilities.

11, if that was the case she should have told him and made sure he was okay with it. If an ex needs help communicating why would you help them and also not communicate properly with your spouse. It's hypocritical so i highly doubt it. I hope you're right though!

The second break up, with my mom and step dad, I was 20, so they didn't go to counseling because of me. Even still, in both cases they went to it because THEY needed it, they needed to understand how to be better people, they needed to understand how to let go of resentment, and if you have anger issues, you need to learn how to cope with them properly, not fly into a rage. They didn't go to it for me, they went for themselves. Even though the relationships had ended, they needed to have the other party's perspective to understand the reasons they ended, and if they don't fix it, they'll doom every future relationship. Even if you don't have kids, counseling with an ex can help you work on your flaws and show you how to improve so future relationships don't turn out like your last. As for not communicating to the OP about going to counseling with the ex. I already said that this was very suspicious several times. However, jumping to conclusions that she's cheating isn't right either as there's many reasons she could be going, and maybe even why she didn't tell him. What if OP is the jealous type and would get incredibly upset, maybe even forbid it, when all she wants to do is help herself? We simply don't know. I'm not saying it's right to hide it, I'm saying there could be reasons other than cheating or she's leaving him though.

We also don't know how the OP found out. Maybe his wife told him? It would be an awkward topic to bring up due to the obvious assumptions that it is so she can get back with her ex.