Intimacy: Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation...

By JJMan217 - 29/03/2011 06:28 - Canada

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 325

You deserved it 76 954

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Same thing different taste

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 250

You deserved it 39 772

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 028

You deserved it 8 060

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 777

You deserved it 12 064

By kentrm - 11/05/2016 02:12 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 021

You deserved it 1 462

By manda - 16/02/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 339

You deserved it 7 805

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

Mah bawsac

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 20:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 021

You deserved it 8 045

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 592

Big brained

By TiredTeacher95 - 22/01/2022 19:59

Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 100

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 677

You deserved it 33 481

beeship321 5

Tuesday 29 March 2011 16:57

wow that was a smart move. Do you brush your teeth with toilet cleaner?

deputy_g 5

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:02

only time to do that is when you don't know where your penis has been..not for recreational use

Comments

jadejazmyn 5

Sunday 12 June 2011 1:26

Uhhh. YDI!!!!!!

RusSlayer 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 5:01

nice job being a smart ass

sprinkleitup 3

Wednesday 22 June 2011 7:15

u f-tard

WshCaps8 1

Friday 15 July 2011 8:16

or you could just find a girl..

dollFehn 6

Tuesday 9 August 2011 0:03

lol why hand sanitizer I thought it was supposed to be lotion :)

scottyspot 11

Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:35

So, did you yell "Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Fire!"?

doughnutseeds 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 3:57

Yur an idiot haha

bretty_boieeeeyy 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 6:38

#3 your picture fits this really well ^_^

BBBBOOOOYYYU 3

Saturday 20 August 2011 22:39

So what? Im 14 and wear diapers for fun. Who cares?

jakeyp19 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 17:32

damn lol

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized I’ve been saying “a whole nother” instead of “a whole other” my entire life. It wasn’t until my friend pointed it out with a smirk I’ve been speaking in an alternate universe. He was also the one to point out last year that my use of "like" every three words was "annoying and cringe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 424

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 872

You deserved it 4 683

The Top

Today, I was delivering pizzas, and mine and many other delivery guys’ dream came true when I knocked and a naked girl opened the door. A 72-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 95

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 924

You deserved it 2 891

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 108

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 5 275

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 634

You deserved it 3 269

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 209

You deserved it 2 688