Intimacy: Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation...

By JJMan217 - 29/03/2011 06:28 - Canada

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 325

You deserved it 76 954

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 250

You deserved it 39 772

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 028

You deserved it 8 060

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 777

You deserved it 12 064

By kentrm - 11/05/2016 02:12 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 021

You deserved it 1 462

By manda - 16/02/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 339

You deserved it 7 805

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

Mah bawsac

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 20:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 021

You deserved it 8 045

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 592

Big brained

By TiredTeacher95 - 22/01/2022 19:59

Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 100

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 677

You deserved it 33 481

beeship321 5

Tuesday 29 March 2011 16:57

wow that was a smart move. Do you brush your teeth with toilet cleaner?

deputy_g 5

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:02

only time to do that is when you don't know where your penis has been..not for recreational use

Comments

puhffft 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:09

How is this surprising? Hand sanitizer is mainly alcohol. Would you splash rubbing alcohol down there?

coffee_enima 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:10

why not?

ShadyFTW1 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:13

Why not? See above FML.

penflower 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:29

19 - win.

jbuckets_404 38

Tuesday 19 July 2016 18:24

He could, so he did - lol

Decodedman 1

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:10

I tell friends to get revenge on people by switching their Ultraglide with hand sanitizer. Never thought anyone would do it to themselves.

SupermanXL 3

Tuesday 29 March 2011 21:21

lol

Coldinside 12

Tuesday 29 March 2011 23:53

Does Ultraglide work well? Like is it better than doing it dry?

jenaandtyler4eva 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:12

ydi for actually trying to do that and masturbation is the devils curse remember that

crissybear 8

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:13

that's an awesome prank...! 

tap1995 6

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:16

why would you use hand sanitizer?? ydi

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 29 March 2011 18:11

guy#1 She's a size 30 b cup I think. guy#2 Is she a natural blond? What's her number. guy#3 That toilet looks filthy, does she ever clean? One of these things is not like the others. Can you tell which one?

quin01 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 22:29

stfu RedPillSucks

Capt_Oblivious 10

Tuesday 29 March 2011 17:16

Wow, aren't you just a smart one. Forego that and next time just use sandpaper. You know, since your showing a habit of using stupid ass things to pleasure yourself and all.