By HFCS - 18/04/2011 04:53 - Canada

Today, I got a call from a girl I was seeing. She said that she was falling for someone else, but she still liked me and couldn't decide what to do. Being the romantic (idiot) I am, I told her that she should do what would make her happiest, thinking that she would pick me. She didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 400
You deserved it 19 415

HFCS tells us more.

Hey everyone, this is the OP here. I didn't intend to create a profile or reply to any of this, but I just checked it for the first time since posting, and I'm kind of blown away. First off, I'd really, honestly like to thank everyone for being so nice about this. I wasn't sure what to expect, but this has been great. Thank you. I find the results of this FML to be pretty interesting. It seems like well over 90% of the girls that have commented think that I did the right thing and that it's more of the girl's loss than mine that she "let such a sweet guy go". For the guys, I think it's intriguing that it falls into either "Yeah, you f'ed up, buddy. Your fault for letting that happen" or "Yeah, this just happened to me too. I feel you, man". And, of course, a few people attacking me like I'm some kind of villain in this scenario and was insincere about my feelings and intentions, like I was trying to manipulate her or something. This actually happened a year ago (when I was 22), and it was my first "almost" relationship. I've always been a pretty lonely, introverted guy, and the thought of having a girlfriend has always been pretty ridiculous for me because I know that girls just don't tend to be interested in geeky, bookish fellows like myself, despite our generally kind demeanours. Maybe that'll change one day, but probably not for a while. I like to think I'm like the Toyota Corolla of guys: a very reliable, low-maintenance choice, but probably too boring at an age when what you want is excitement. Then, this girl came into my life, and I had one of the happiest months I've ever known while spending time with her. We got along great, spent a lot of time together doing all the lovey-dovey stuff that young relationships have (cooking for each other, having tea breaks together from studying), eventually getting to sleeping over in each others' beds and making out (which, for a guy with little make out experience, is pretty glorious, I've gotta say). Yeah, sure, I know, it was only a month, but when you've spent your entire life alone, this seemed like a pretty big deal at the time. I was really excited about what this relationship could hold for me. Then there was this other guy that the girl's friends knew, and they met. I'm not really sure on what the details were about the whole thing, but he also appeared to be a "sweet guy" type, and he seemed to have greater support and social connection with the girl through her friends (I, of course, didn't, since I don't really have too many friends and met her as a classmate). I met him one time, and I didn't really think too much of it; after talking with him, I thought he was a generally nice person, but not terribly bright and kind of one-dimensional (he seemed to be all about rock climbing or something). One morning at 2AM, I'm lying in bed, and I get the phone call as described in my FML. I listen to what's being said to me in perfect polite silence, but I can feel my heart getting stressed like it's about to get pulled apart. I was also torn about what to say. "Do I tell her to pick me?" "Do I tell her that I love her?" "WHAT DO I DO?" I couldn't decide what I could do about this (after all, can you force someone to love you?), so I told her to choose whoever would make her happiest. If nothing else, I thought that if at least she didn't pick me, she would still be happy, and it felt like the most correct thing to say at that moment. I know we hadn't been going out for a long time, but I was still confident that I was a better choice for her than this other guy. I thought I could do better than him, and I thought that she knew that. Well, at 4AM, I get a text from her. She had been up late thinking about it, and she told me that she decided to go with him, ending the text message with "I'm so sorry". After reading that text, I could feel my heart dissolving into little bits, my chest aching like someone was stepping on it. I didn't think it was supposed to hurt that much when you get rejected like that, but it did. I was going to have to return to my old state of loneliness and solitude, defeated by this other guy. As time went by, I started to get over it, but it still left a wound. I'm happy that she's still happy and together with the guy (even though I still think I could do better than him), but I'm still hurt that given the choice, I wasn't taken (ESPECIALLY since it was pretty much my first relationship after being alone for so long). One year later, here I am, no other girls in sight (pretty much as predicted), and I still wondered if I did the right thing. Browsing FML, I decide "What the hey, why not?" and post the story to see what reaction I'd get. And now I know. So, thanks, everyone. You've been great in helping me get some perspective on this.

Top comments

She obviously doesn't know what she wants. You're better off without her.

you can find someone so much better that actually appreciates you :)..

Comments

Allow me to dispel a few misconceptions. First of all, she knows what she left. She didn't run away from the OP. She confronted him about her mixed feelings. Secondly, OP tried to pull a line from a movie, it failed, and he didn't mean a word of it. Thirdly, she was honest as an angel how she felt, left him for a chance at something better (love), and now OP is showing his true colors whining about it to the inter-webs on Fml. Ah, young love . . . ignorant of reality.

your wrong i believe. the girl i loves chooses somebody else and you come along and stomp on his heart? this website is dedicated to "whining on the interwebs" as you put it so get the **** off of it

Hey everyone, this is the OP here. I didn't intend to create a profile or reply to any of this, but I just checked it for the first time since posting, and I'm kind of blown away. First off, I'd really, honestly like to thank everyone for being so nice about this. I wasn't sure what to expect, but this has been great. Thank you. I find the results of this FML to be pretty interesting. It seems like well over 90% of the girls that have commented think that I did the right thing and that it's more of the girl's loss than mine that she "let such a sweet guy go". For the guys, I think it's intriguing that it falls into either "Yeah, you f'ed up, buddy. Your fault for letting that happen" or "Yeah, this just happened to me too. I feel you, man". And, of course, a few people attacking me like I'm some kind of villain in this scenario and was insincere about my feelings and intentions, like I was trying to manipulate her or something. This actually happened a year ago (when I was 22), and it was my first "almost" relationship. I've always been a pretty lonely, introverted guy, and the thought of having a girlfriend has always been pretty ridiculous for me because I know that girls just don't tend to be interested in geeky, bookish fellows like myself, despite our generally kind demeanours. Maybe that'll change one day, but probably not for a while. I like to think I'm like the Toyota Corolla of guys: a very reliable, low-maintenance choice, but probably too boring at an age when what you want is excitement. Then, this girl came into my life, and I had one of the happiest months I've ever known while spending time with her. We got along great, spent a lot of time together doing all the lovey-dovey stuff that young relationships have (cooking for each other, having tea breaks together from studying), eventually getting to sleeping over in each others' beds and making out (which, for a guy with little make out experience, is pretty glorious, I've gotta say). Yeah, sure, I know, it was only a month, but when you've spent your entire life alone, this seemed like a pretty big deal at the time. I was really excited about what this relationship could hold for me. Then there was this other guy that the girl's friends knew, and they met. I'm not really sure on what the details were about the whole thing, but he also appeared to be a "sweet guy" type, and he seemed to have greater support and social connection with the girl through her friends (I, of course, didn't, since I don't really have too many friends and met her as a classmate). I met him one time, and I didn't really think too much of it; after talking with him, I thought he was a generally nice person, but not terribly bright and kind of one-dimensional (he seemed to be all about rock climbing or something). One morning at 2AM, I'm lying in bed, and I get the phone call as described in my FML. I listen to what's being said to me in perfect polite silence, but I can feel my heart getting stressed like it's about to get pulled apart. I was also torn about what to say. "Do I tell her to pick me?" "Do I tell her that I love her?" "WHAT DO I DO?" I couldn't decide what I could do about this (after all, can you force someone to love you?), so I told her to choose whoever would make her happiest. If nothing else, I thought that if at least she didn't pick me, she would still be happy, and it felt like the most correct thing to say at that moment. I know we hadn't been going out for a long time, but I was still confident that I was a better choice for her than this other guy. I thought I could do better than him, and I thought that she knew that. Well, at 4AM, I get a text from her. She had been up late thinking about it, and she told me that she decided to go with him, ending the text message with "I'm so sorry". After reading that text, I could feel my heart dissolving into little bits, my chest aching like someone was stepping on it. I didn't think it was supposed to hurt that much when you get rejected like that, but it did. I was going to have to return to my old state of loneliness and solitude, defeated by this other guy. As time went by, I started to get over it, but it still left a wound. I'm happy that she's still happy and together with the guy (even though I still think I could do better than him), but I'm still hurt that given the choice, I wasn't taken (ESPECIALLY since it was pretty much my first relationship after being alone for so long). One year later, here I am, no other girls in sight (pretty much as predicted), and I still wondered if I did the right thing. Browsing FML, I decide "What the hey, why not?" and post the story to see what reaction I'd get. And now I know. So, thanks, everyone. You've been great in helping me get some perspective on this.

muchagente 5

and thank you, op for adding this statement. i wish now that i would have made a less cynical-sounding comment, now you added a face and a soul to the story, and it reminds me that sometimes it's real people with real problems who are behind those fmls. however, as for the visitors of this site those postings are more like a joke, my comments might keep on being cynical, because the moment it's posted it is a common matter. this time, now you made yourself known as a real person, i'd like you to know that i wish all the best for you and think that sooner or later you will find someone with the same interests, and a relationship that is much more reliable and warm than the one you did not find then. you definitely did the right thing.

me_the_maniak 14

hey @op well i will say that i went through a similar situation while i was in exchange in Croatia ... The Czech girl (the best in the dom :D ) was awesome at first .. and yes being the "only" Indian (as in very social, drank and partied all day) and having a good career base, we both were attracted ... But as time went, she went back and i realized that she was always intimate and close when we were together and telling her friends that there was nothing between us ... Well she was just being selfish most of the time, although i must say i had a really great time with her and still maybe i like her, and i guess she too had some feelings as she cried when we broke up ... The point is that she puts her own interests and sociality above the relation .... But she chose to go away, so here it is ... No regrets, only the happy memories, now looking for someone who won't act selfish and be with a guy to SHOW off that she can have the wildest guy of the dom .. Not the same thing, but i feel the same .. :)

cha5e 0

Thanks for posting the followup. You sound pretty similar to me when I was your age (I'm 34 now). I ended my first comment with "it gets better" and I want to reiterate that.

Zodiacfall 2

Easy fix, dude. Just meet up with any of the female FMLers who commented. I'm pretty sure hearts melted when they read this post. Seriously though, you did do the right thing. Not many people can get past their own personal desires to say something selfless like that. I hope you find the right one soon.

Lieto 1

first thing you need to do is to stop living in the past, concentrated on whats going right now. Here is an ultimate rule how to attract a girl: Do something. Get good at it. Relationships is a trip and whether or not someone will want to join your trip depends on where are you going. Other rules apply like dont be super fat or boring etc but thats the main thing imo.

iBiteRoses 22

Your story made me cry, it's so sad :(

Kudos to you for telling your heartfelt story, OP. It's not really easy nor is it recommended to bare your soul like that to the Internet, especially on a site where people essentially get kicks out of the misfortunes of others. All I can really say is that you WILL find someone for you (if you haven't already) and that you should try not to be afraid of rejection. It's amazing how many opportunities you miss when you're afraid of taking a step forward. Besides, even if rejection happens, it's not so bad when you put it into perspective later on. Best of luck to you, OP. :)

I would thumb his up, but for some reason it won't let me so I thought I would leave a comment instead.

You gave her the choice (right thing to do) and she made it. Find someone else who appreciates you and let them make their own choices in life.

TickleMeCute 2

Even though you thought she would choose you, it was very good advice that you gave her. Most people don't realize what they have right before their eyes; For me, my fiance came knocking at my door three times before I decided to date him. I just thought because physically he wasn't my type, and that he was slightly creepy, that we wouldn't work. Now it's taken a lot of work of both of our parts, but now we're happily engaged. And I don't think he's creepy at all anymore. xD Please just keep your chin up - someone will come along and love will surprise you when you least expect it. You'll find somebody who will be able to see what they have in you! And when they do, they'll sure be lucky! :)

You're an amazing person to give that choice to her. She will kick herself later in life for not choosing you. I hope you find a great girl someday that is more deserving of your chivalry.

Man, good riddance! Congratulations! Better now then later on.

Well, you'd the right thing. Also, wouldn't it suck to be dating someone who you know likes someone else? It might be better this way.

She liked you...keep it that way...never encourage the opposite unless you there is nothing going on...

Your an idiot, she wanted you to fight for her

#158, no she didn't, fighting only makes it harder for both her and yourself, let her decide (just recently i've been in this situation, but we both have feelings for each other) and it ended badly for me, i was her first love and I ****** it up, even went as far as trying to kill myself (i'm an introverted loner with depression) and just recently i got a gash on my head from my urges and she came by and it was almost as if we were still together (don't bother telling me to move on, i'm fairly stubborn with this so it's pointless to attempt to convince me to)