Babysitter

Bad guy

By Anonymous - 02/11/2024 03:00 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my 4 year-old niece, who rudely but cutely asked me why my nose is so big. Trying to make light of it, I told her, "It's because I lie a lot, just like Pinocchio." Now she won’t stop asking who I lied to and told my sister and her husband that I’m a "bad guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 482

Worst babysitter ever

By Anonymous - 15/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, I tripped over a laundry basket while carrying my baby niece. Don’t worry, I threw her onto the couch safely. I, however, face-planted into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 90

Thought crime

By Son of a BITCH - 21/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, while babysitting a 9-year-old boy, I stubbed my toe on a coffee table. I yelled, "SON OF A…" but managed to stop myself before saying the last part. The boy yelled, "You were gonna say bitch! I'm telling mom and dad!" and, despite my desperate attempts to dissuade him, he did just that. Guess who's fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 89

The babysitter's handbook

By ACHOOOOOOO - 14/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 168

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 11:00

Today, my aunt keeps calling me to come and settle her baby for her, because I’m the only one she sleeps for. Seriously, she’ll sleep for hours when I hold her, but anyone else and she’ll scream. I don’t even like kids and the constant disruptions to my childfree life aren’t helping change my opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 95

Brat era

By bastards - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 602

You deserved it 4 280

No kidding

By Ted - 08/05/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 413

I quit!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I'm babysitting kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4 a.m. and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 981

You deserved it 2 241

Fuzzy logic

By Lisa - 22/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 84

Extended play

By Not a babysitter - 09/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I taught a kid piano for a two hour lesson. The mom left to do some errands, and by the time two hours was up, she texted me asking to watch the kid for another "15 minutes" while she returned home. No problem, she had the money too, so I stayed. Four hours later, she showed up, and refused to pay me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 121

Superheroes Finger Family Song Johny Johny Yes Papa Nursery Rhymes Giant Syringe

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my niece and let her watch cartoons on YouTube while I cooked dinner. She screamed as I was cutting up carrots and I cut myself. She had turned on an episode of Happy Tree Friends and was now crying and wouldn't stop. My brother thumped me for not watching her. I now have a cut hand and black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 511

One simple trick

By Anonymous - 02/01/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, on holiday with family, it is now abundantly clear to me that being the oldest teenager I was only brought along as free babysitter for 8 cousins, all under 10 years-old, while the adults lounge by the pool, buffet, or hotel bar. I’m exhausted. I want to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 140

Demon child

By PeanutlyDisabled - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 796

You deserved it 3 393

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 722

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 00:02

Today, after my family left me at home for the weekend before finals while they went on vacation so I could focus on my studies, I spent the weekend watching my little cousins for no pay. It wasn’t an easy babysitting job either. I had to pay attention to and then re-enact basically every Bluey episode ever to exist, with no time to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 165

Hard no

By badsitter - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 676

You deserved it 382

Happy anniversary

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 07:30 - Canada - Québec

Today, I volunteered to babysit my nephew. He somehow managed to lock himself in the bathroom and then flood it with the sink. I had to call his parents, and they're now on their way home from their romantic anniversary dinner. I'm not even getting paid for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 211

Madhouse

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 14:00

Today, my husband volunteered to babysit our friends' kids while they go on their honeymoon. The problem is I hate kids, especially the younger ones who are noisy and require a lot of attention, and yet I know as the woman I’ll be expected to do most of the work looking after them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 229

No contact from now on

By lordoftheweird - 13/08/2023 08:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my family why using a registered sex offender as a babysitter is a bad idea. They didn't understand and now my grandmother can't see her grandkids, and my dad is facing a lengthy prison sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 90

Hold this for me

By Anonymous - 06/07/2023 15:00

Today, a lady chased me through the mall because I wouldn’t babysit her kid while she shopped. I hate kids and don’t babysit, especially random ones, and especially not for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 95

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 17/05/2023 06:00

Today, my mom tried to force me to stay home from work to babysit my sister and her “boyfriend”. I snuck out and went to work anyway, because I hate being around them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 144

Quick learner

By BubbaCat - 24/04/2023 10:00

Today, I've been babysitting a 4 month-old for two days. This has made a great impression on my cat, because now I can't sit down without him jumping up and licking my face until I pat his butt and rock him like the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 205

Sights, sounds, smells

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 12:00

Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 175

Super-cali-fragil-istic-expi-ali-docious

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 01:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got fired from my job as a babysitter because the movie I showed the kids was "too violent and gave them nightmares." What movie was it? Mary Poppins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 92

Fleeing the scene

By Winxy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 103

You deserved it 4 548

The Baby-Sitters Club

By Do I look like a fucking babysitter? - 22/08/2022 00:00

Today, my parents, my two sisters and their significant others went on a vacation and dropped their children at my house without ever asking me. I'm single, live alone, and can barely make ends meet, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 131

Express yourself

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 12:00

Today, I got home and found my babysitter furious and my 5 year-old exhausted from crying. Normally he chooses to wear Disney princess dresses but today his grandma came for a visit, saw what he was wearing, told him he was bad, and forced him to wear trousers. I’m ready to kill the bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 625

Damien

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 10:00

Today, as an agency babysitter, I was sent to babysit “Satan’s evil twin.” This kid is so bad, the dad pays additional fees to the agency for every time he damages the sitter's personal items, or if they require a hospital visit. His advice was, "Don’t be afraid to hit him back or he will take your eyes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 131

Take a break

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 085

You deserved it 5 589

Whine dad

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 16:59

Today, whenever I leave my husband alone with the kids, he still refers to it as "babysitting", especially when he’s complaining about it to his brothers as the reason he never has fun anymore. I always assumed dads were parents too, not unpaid babysitters who get to whine about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 255

Keywords

Cats Animals Work Embarrassing Christmas Health Awkward Love Anniversary Boredom Intimacy Abuse Ironic AITA Am I overreacting? Transportation Drunk Alcohol Kids Parents Gun control Language Noise Mysterious Relatable Money Food Miscellaneous Delivery Family

The Top

Today, I’ve worked out that my neighbour is cheating. Her husband leaves at 7, another guy arrives at 9, vigorous sex noises last for an hour, then the guy leaves. It’s come to this has it, I’m so bored since losing my job that I’ve become a nosy neighbour lady. Why won’t anyone hire me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 242

Today, I got home and found my girlfriend in bed with another guy. After the screaming, yelling, and kicking them both out of my house, all I wanted was whiskey. I found the bottle under the bed. It wasn’t enough the guy was porking my girlfriend, he had to drink my booze too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 112

The Top

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 947

You deserved it 4 467

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 018

You deserved it 38 209

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 415

You deserved it 52 827

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 752

You deserved it 5 271

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 682

You deserved it 6 231

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 561

You deserved it 4 081