Intimacy: Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls... - FML

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 110

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Top comments

paperfox_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 2:11

#5, where do you expect her to keep it? In a locked safe behind the picture of Grandma and Grandad hanging at the top of the landing 7ft off the floor with a high-tech alarm system and a self-destruct mode if the fingerprint scanner recognises it to be the fingerprint of someone under the age of 18?

Antonio718 0

Friday 22 May 2009 2:02

It wasn't being put into use anyways...

Comments

laketahoelady 4

Tuesday 18 February 2014 0:52

A neighborhood boy gave me a back massage with his mom's "vibrating back massager" when I was in 3rd grade... I found out a few years later that it was a ***** and that she was a stripper. I thought I must have AIDs on my back and was scared to have sex until I was well into my 20s.

stloda 8

Saturday 12 July 2014 7:30

how old is he? wtf pay attention to your kid!

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The Top

Today, it's only day three of my annual vacation. Rest and relaxation? Afraid not! For the past days, I've been haunted by the constant thought of how much work will be piled up when I get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 139

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 82

The Top

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 735

You deserved it 334

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 832

You deserved it 62 774

Today, I went out with a friend to a bar. After several Cosmopolitans, I decided to finally call my ex and tell him everything about how I feel, and how I really miss him. In the end, he said that it’s all so sweet and he will call my later. He hasn't called me since then. Instead, I was blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 1 444

Today, my grandmother told me my favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite my constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the weird little comments my coworkers have made are actually hints to go take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 695

You deserved it 28 743

Today, I've become so accustomed to having flies in my house that I just gave up on getting rid of them. I only kill the ones that repeatedly land on my face or, worst of all, in my ears. Especially when they get stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 763

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 091

You deserved it 10 633