Miscellaneous: Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you... - FML

By sober - 12/02/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 393

You deserved it 4 329

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

It's better than nothing, I suppose

By thatonekid - 06/05/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my dad texted me, "I love u." I replied, "I love you too dad... are you drunk?" He answers back, "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 027

You deserved it 5 192

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 729

You deserved it 5 790

By Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 245

You deserved it 3 050

Nice view

By Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 864

You deserved it 2 753

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 151

Let down

By MoxyR12 - 24/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 821

You deserved it 5 728

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 749

You deserved it 2 383

Supportive

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 2 935

Drunk MC

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 499

You deserved it 3 033

By Username - 17/08/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 683

You deserved it 41 821

Next

Top comments

XxLorniklexX 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:13

This is why parents shouldn't text.

kk_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 6:17

that is hilarious

Comments

AcessDenied 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:53

OMG That's totally not FML that's PRICELESS. You should totally save that in your phone and show it to your Mom or something, all your friends at school or work or whatever. omg I'd die to have that. Only it be my grandfather. OMG I'm cracking up so hard right now.

foolishwolf 0

Friday 13 March 2009 22:35

HAHAHAHA that's the funniest goddamn thing I've ever heard

Lubinduba 0

Monday 16 March 2009 20:08

lmfaoooo

THTB 3

Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:05

Lol @ Pedo-Dad.

resawins 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:39

aaaaahahahaha!!!!! funny funny.

mystery_fml 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 18:27

As much as this is probably scarring for you, I find it hilarious.

Fury3321 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 5:24

that is sooo my dad

cherrymary 0

Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

hahaha! that is funny and awkward at the same time

lifeisgoood 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 6:48

hahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha i cried when i read this from laughing soo hard.

xoxo9171 0

Friday 5 June 2009 1:54

hahaha that's hilarious! :P

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The Top

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 228

You deserved it 1 706

Today, my daughter is such a greedy idiot. Her ex was voluntarily giving her over £1000 for the kid but she decided she wanted more, and dragged him to child support court. She’s now only getting about £500 and her ex, who formerly had a great relationship with her, now hates her guts. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 175

The Top

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 163

Today, I was at a stoplight when a guy rear-ended me going 40mph due to texting and driving. The lady in front of me ended up getting bumped by my car, totaling my car and leaving a scratch on her bumper. She refused to call an ambulance. I ended up with a mild concussion and sprained neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 454

You deserved it 614

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 261

You deserved it 4 928

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time." It was a little weird, but I let her. Ten minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 748

You deserved it 5 291

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 997

You deserved it 452

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 167