Love: Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once...

By jakewr - 02/07/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 342

You deserved it 19 853

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 312

You deserved it 5 136

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 1 903

By anonymous - 05/05/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 385

You deserved it 59 711

By Phoenix0614 - 25/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 7 319

By newlyengaged - 08/01/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 878

You deserved it 592

Smooth talker

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 07:59

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me his Kit Kat like he normally does, he called me his "Kit Kat Chunky". When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 312

By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 655

You deserved it 33 238

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 129

By bunintheoven - 23/10/2012 04:21 - United States - Seligman

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 5 105

Man vs. Machine

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I spent way too long battling a vending machine that ate my dollar but didn’t give me my snack. After shaking it, kicking it, and practically hugging it, I finally gave up. As I walked away in defeat, it dropped the snack. I rushed back to claim my prize… and the janitor grabbed it before I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 92

DJR_fml 2

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:57

Mmmm kitkats

chefinheels88 5

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:58

I'd reevaluate your marriage

Comments

annahfaith 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 6:07

wait..... think about it.... which one do you love more?? the day you got married or the Kit-Kat?? :)) think about it for a min! lol

SleepOnStones 5

Tuesday 5 July 2011 7:59

I don't blame you! CUZ KIT KAT BARS ARE THE SHIZZ! I would know, i just ate about 20 of them.

xSiiKxXxNaStYx 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 9:56

who cares you won... your life should be complete,( you better give that second kit kat to your spouse) if i were you id start partyin(;

cenax27 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 11:48

safe to say your comment was very intelligent, I applaud you

herpgirl101 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:13

I think this is more of an F her life.

milly_11 4

Tuesday 5 July 2011 22:54

What an ass!

jacob12311 4

Wednesday 6 July 2011 1:20

TUBBY!!!!!!!!

budd28 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 4:21

lmao .. funny

LOLLOSERRR 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 15:39

bullshit this us a group on Facebook

forfml 0

Friday 8 July 2011 2:14

1. Haha that's pretty sweet. 2. that's also just awful. SHAME SHAME SHAME haha

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 1 243

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 537

You deserved it 10 056

The Top

Today, I’m so ugly, I had to pay for more likes on Tinder because I ran out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 362

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 170

You deserved it 4 751

Today, while going for a walk, I saw two bunnies next to the road. Apparently, I was scarier than the oncoming traffic, because one of them decided to sprint into the road as I walked by. I could hear its bones crunch as it got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 989

You deserved it 2 945

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 1 921

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park, so we did. As we were walking back, I was carrying her on my back. When we were almost at the front door, she told me she had to pee. I told her to hold it in for a second. As we were walking through the door, I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 574

You deserved it 16 912

Today, it's been three weeks since my parents went on holiday and not only have they not called me, they don’t answer when I call them… until today, when my mom finally called me, whilst I was having sex. She then sent me a text outlining how rude it was I ignored her call and grounded me. I’m 24 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 127

Same thing different taste

Smooth talker

Thanks, I hate it

Man vs. Machine

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