Love: Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once... - FML

By jakewr - 02/07/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 342

You deserved it 19 853

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 312

You deserved it 5 136

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 1 903

By anonymous - 05/05/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 385

You deserved it 59 711

By Phoenix0614 - 25/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 7 319

By newlyengaged - 08/01/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 878

You deserved it 592

Smooth talker

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 07:59

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me his Kit Kat like he normally does, he called me his "Kit Kat Chunky". When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 312

By Username - 16/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 655

You deserved it 33 238

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 129

By bunintheoven - 23/10/2012 04:21 - United States - Seligman

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 443

You deserved it 5 105

Man vs. Machine

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I spent way too long battling a vending machine that ate my dollar but didn’t give me my snack. After shaking it, kicking it, and practically hugging it, I finally gave up. As I walked away in defeat, it dropped the snack. I rushed back to claim my prize… and the janitor grabbed it before I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 92

Next

Top comments

DJR_fml 2

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:57

Mmmm kitkats

chefinheels88 5

Saturday 2 July 2011 11:58

I'd reevaluate your marriage

Comments

Hootie_95 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 22:44

Who wouldn't? I'd be frigging ecstatic!

MellyLuck1484 7

Monday 11 June 2012 11:31

then why did you go through with it? That's stupid.

Cowsxgoxmoo78 8

Thursday 6 June 2013 7:34

That makes me sad. It sounds like you need a break.

Comoke1024 19

Wednesday 5 February 2014 20:12

Then you should have bought yourself kit-kats instead of bonding your life to another human being who probably deserves better.

weenie1234 14

Wednesday 19 February 2014 14:15

two kit-kats....one wife...the math all adds up

shujaswati 20

Tuesday 29 April 2014 17:31

Well, the love for KitKat is um-comparable with getting married. KitKat is something "awesome"

bassfisher100 23

Monday 28 September 2015 23:30

at least your priorities are straight. ...

zeffra13 31

Friday 23 June 2017 6:04

Excited does not mean the same as happy, meaningful, or memorable. Unless you got married spur of the moment, or while skydiving, etc, it's not exciting. It's usually been planned for months. Getting something unexpectedly is exciting, a wedding isn't.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 63

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

The Top

Today, while working as a waitress, an attractive woman sat at one of my tables. When she paid, I decided to be bold and write my number and "Call me" on her receipt. She put in a complaint to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 3 566

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 436

You deserved it 2 111

Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 243

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 851

You deserved it 6 942

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 371

You deserved it 5 002

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 113