Miscellaneous: Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana... - FML

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 778

You deserved it 38 594

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 15:14 - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 743

You deserved it 6 424

By mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 858

You deserved it 9 140

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 862

You deserved it 5 522

By foreveralone - 13/01/2014 01:00 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 244

You deserved it 7 150

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 1 799

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 722

You deserved it 881

By what did I do? - 15/10/2015 19:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 345

You deserved it 2 560

Love hurts

By wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 133

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 446

You deserved it 3 392

He was a very good boy

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 17:58 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend made me a chocolate cake to try and cheer me after my dog died. My dog died because my dad fed him chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 325

You deserved it 1 897

Next

Top comments

imonaboat79 2

Thursday 10 February 2011 19:18

pro tip: always check with your lady first before eating the last bit of chocolate in the house. bad things can happen when you don't.

sweet_candy_ 17

Thursday 10 February 2011 19:17

Banana peels are not that hard. You big baby.

Comments

sadistmonkey 19

Friday 11 February 2011 0:13

I can't say YDI or FYL without knowing more facts. What proportion of the total cake did you eat? If the girl actually got to have some cake, did she ask you for permission to eat it? Whose cake was it?

quite_bored 9

Friday 11 February 2011 0:15

I have just officially lost all hope in Humanity.

Nitial 6

Friday 11 February 2011 0:21

The cake is a lie.

TheDrop 0

Friday 11 February 2011 1:16

translation of OP's FML: "i am dating a selfish and abusive fat girl" FML.

jess6blondie9 2

Friday 11 February 2011 1:27

94, just because a girl likes her cake, doesn't mean she's fat!

talktomandybaby 8

Friday 11 February 2011 1:28

hahahahahahah.this made me laugh so hard.

Athga 0

Friday 11 February 2011 1:48

every man needs to know when to not mess with her chocolate

trappedinthevoid 0

Friday 11 February 2011 1:49

...marry her.

guppy40000 0

Friday 11 February 2011 1:52

She shouldnt be so violent. Is she pregnant by chance? Cake and Chocolate womans best friend?

harbqll 0

Friday 11 February 2011 2:11

Slap her back, dump the silly twit, and go find a girlfriend that isn't ****** in the head. This ain't rocket science.

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The Top

Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 123

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, the jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 834

You deserved it 22 140

The Top

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 274

You deserved it 21 572

Today, I’m at a low point. I sank low enough to ask a coworker I don’t even like for a pity shag to boost my self esteem. The sex was great, excellent even, but when he left this morning I now feel even lower because I feel cheap and nasty, and I almost had to beg for someone to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 1 931

Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 359

You deserved it 7 791

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 538

You deserved it 24 653

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 342

You deserved it 6 330

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 983

You deserved it 695