Intimacy: Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However,...

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By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 980

You deserved it 50 606

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Same thing different taste

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 930

You deserved it 46 343

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 681

You deserved it 33 496

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 593

You deserved it 51 125

Wanking to death

By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 00:17 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 761

You deserved it 12 432

By betterthanhodor - 03/06/2015 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 146

You deserved it 5 956

By Wannabees - 03/04/2012 05:13 - Canada

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 437

You deserved it 37 779

Tanned pits

By huulo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 615

You deserved it 28 365

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 1 191

Ouch

By Jackmeister - 03/11/2018 03:00

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 7 379

abbytequiere 9

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:26

You deserve this just for calling it your man-mush. Really?

bobbyfmaul 2

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:23

New nick name - "The Thing"

Comments

attaboy368 20

Saturday 31 December 2011 14:06

Would love to see the reaction of the next female to see that~~

mrosebud94 0

Saturday 7 January 2012 0:28

Wanky wank ;)

Candygirl720 6

Thursday 12 January 2012 3:10

Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa c? U need to calm dwn thts whachu get

chubby_choco 17

Wednesday 18 January 2012 0:30

XD Everyone's gonna know what YOU'VE been up to, OP.

lolz0701 4

Sunday 22 January 2012 7:13

Lol tell people you banged an oompa loompa

mojo5678 5

Monday 13 August 2012 18:14

You're disguising. At least you're not getting any so no one else will see it

Emily9352 13

Thursday 16 August 2012 6:21

Reminds me of "tan hands" from Glee.

chandlerbelacic 17

Tuesday 28 May 2013 18:36

Check the bottle next time you douche.

zomgbies 17

Monday 17 June 2013 15:55

hah Goldmember!

Adree 15

Wednesday 26 June 2013 21:53

Why did you have concentrated bronzer in your room?

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