Interviews are tough. I'm going through it right now, myself. At least you have a good story to tell. Keep your head up and keep searching on!

"Patience. I still put up with him even though he poops in a box all the time, refuses to get a job to help pay rent, and constantly knocks things over just to be dramatic and get my attention."

Dont worry i reguarly answer hi" eith "im good thanks" or "no thankyou" becausei brsin fart alot

An interview has 3 purposes. 1) to test your cognitive abilities. Usually this is done by asking logic questions. 2) to see if you are the right fit for the job. Normally you are asked questions pertaining to your position or you are given a scenario to solve. 3) to see if you are someone who would fit into the workplace and get along with other coworkers. AKA your social and reasoning skills. Normally this is a judgement call by the interviewer that is biased on the first impression you've made. By answering the questions the way you did, you showed that you are lonely with a touch of desperation. It doesn't exactly scream "hire me" unless you applied for a position in the cat food aisle at petsmart.

Turn that into, my best friend is my cat, so it's not like I'm going clubbing and going into work hung over all the time.

You have to learn to be more creative on your feet. "I would say my best friend is my cat. My cat would describe me as a quick learner, great with minimal communication, and fun to be around."

"Well, he [my cat is male, so 'he'] trusts me with his life - that's a lot of responsibility I manage right there. I make sure he gets fed on a strict schedule, pamper him on demand, handle waste management in a safe, environmentally friendly, and timely manner. The fact that I can keep him purring while I'm trying to answer email at home shows my excellent abilities to keep clients happy. And my bravery is almost unheard of in today's corporate world, as can be attested by my cat when he needed oral antibiotics for a week. Did I mention my cat is not declawed? I provide for his needs with a scratching post and have trained him to use only it. That's right, I'm so good I can herd cats."

props on the honest ass answer lol. try a little harder next time to really sell yourself if you're gonna give an answer like that though. ?

I would hire you

I feel like this is a YDI... You know damn well but interviews are going to be looking for. And someone with an unhealthy attachment to their cat is not one of them, and you definitely made it seem as though that's the case.