Miscellaneous: Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass....

By Hugh_Jankles - 08/01/2010 18:48 - United States

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 266

You deserved it 37 290

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Same thing different taste

Autopilot

By TuteBananaCupcake - 29/12/2023 14:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I used the last of the toilet paper to blow my nose while taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 571

AKA taking a screenshot

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 395

Too trusting

By Anonymous - 07/09/2023 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 186

By jjoker - 30/12/2018 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 962

Say it, don't spray it

By Anonymous - 05/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Warren

Today, as I was trying to get into the grocery store, I had a sneezing fit. I've typically never had one, so I didn't really know how to handle it. This one was a new record: 11 sneezes and I hadn't had the foresight to bring tissues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 89

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 140

Faulty plumbing

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 113

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 07:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 126

Both ends

By Anon - 19/06/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 133

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 118

You deserved it 16 740

perdix 29

Friday 8 January 2010 23:22

Congrats on getting shitfaced without taking a single drink! Your liver thanks you.

intensitive 11

Friday 8 January 2010 23:06

That's quite nasty.

Comments

taylor225 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 10:49

wipe with your opposite hand? then you get it in your hand. odds are, if they do this they'll do that.

rooskieroo 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 10:57

hahaha..nice. #100 ..how old are you?

Mustardnight 3

Saturday 9 January 2010 11:33

Rofl at 53 and i havent even seen 2g1 cup!

muffinsareyummy 1

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:17

i was gonna pwn you so bad and rub your nose in it but you've already done that.

lamblover486 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 13:50

the doctor says, EWWWW there is no medication to make that memory go away

gabrieloch 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 14:28

u just got urself lucky!

UnluckyAsUsual 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 14:59

You cover your mouth when you sneeze? What's the point with that when it's through the nose? YDI for not letting go off the paper and x2 for sneezing on your hand...

alexFYL 11

Sunday 10 January 2010 18:28

I'm not sure I've ever sneezed through my nose, except when I'm sick and really snotty... spit always flies out of my mouth instead. I've always heard this is bad for you, but if I'm in important/formal public or wearing something nice, I pinch my nostrils shut and force my mouth shut to sneeze. *shrug*