Intimacy: Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends...

By BlootheBawss - 03/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 315

You deserved it 4 632

Bloothebawss tells us more.

Bloothebawss 9

Sunday 4 September 2011 2:36

It's illegal where I live. And yeah, I'm working in the new friends thing.

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Top comments

cyns0_oaSailor 0

Saturday 3 September 2011 11:57

Was she hot?

rein 8

Saturday 3 September 2011 12:02

Hahah hope you had a good birthday "cell-lebration" :D

Comments

annisalove21 5

Sunday 4 September 2011 17:09

what a way to celebrate liberty :O

whitey317 0

Sunday 4 September 2011 18:49

Prostitution is illegal?

ztormbringer 3

Sunday 4 September 2011 23:44

Well Happy belated Birthday, anyway. But, your life does suck.

PutTheCoffeeOn 0

Monday 5 September 2011 8:15

Your friends suck dude!

mwolverine 1

Monday 5 September 2011 17:24

why do people write essays on the comments..?

oklahomaguy 0

Monday 5 September 2011 19:19

The foam is a good thing

oklahomaguy 0

Monday 5 September 2011 19:35

I love it when my penis gets all foamy, penis foam tastes delightful

Sapire12 5

Tuesday 6 September 2011 20:42

funny how when you just got out of jail the first thing u do is put it on FML

lilo8_fml 3

Thursday 15 September 2011 8:43

What kind of friends are they...... Oh and people paying hookers should all be in jail! Get ****** in the ass

123456ab 1

Thursday 22 September 2011 2:38

Great friends you got there. :

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Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 538

You deserved it 10 056

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 111

The Top

Today, a week after my son was born via C-section, I received 3 messages from 3 different women saying that they had recently slept with my fiancé. One of them said they tested positive for herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 928

You deserved it 259

Today, I attended my wife's cousins wedding. While trying to help struggling teens with fireworks, I got shot in the eye by a commercial-grade firework. I spent the rest of the night in the ER, then headed to see the eye doctor. I have about 75% of loss of vision. Hopefully it's not permanent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 260

Today, my girlfriend posted “Alexa, play 'Flowers' by Miley Cyrus” as her Facebook status, all because I didn’t return her 14 missed calls. Apparently, taking an online proctored exam, which required absolute concentration counts as “talking to other women.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 123

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 950

You deserved it 3 740

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper at me for the first time ever after 2 years of dating, and actually raised his voice. It turned me on, and I don’t just mean on, I mean OOONNNNNN. I was so wet it ran down my thighs and made an obvious damp spot in my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 1 089

Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 2 065