Miscellaneous: Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered...

By I_Has_A_Fishy - 10/07/2012 19:33 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 688

You deserved it 3 457

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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By TuT - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 593

You deserved it 4 301

By N O - 27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 387

You deserved it 6 967

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 837

You deserved it 297

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 3 297

Freakout

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 611

You deserved it 1 169

Freakout

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334

You deserved it 4 321

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 915

You deserved it 6 020

Overheard musings

By thanks hun - 07/05/2020 20:00

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 276

By MyBallsForSaleOnEbay - 21/08/2015 15:25 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 149

You deserved it 7 259

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 203

BillyMadisonFTW 5

Tuesday 10 July 2012 23:57

Did it scare the shit out of him?

Drigr 9

Tuesday 10 July 2012 23:57

I read this FML 4 times now, so I will stick with my initial comment of, "what the... ****...?

Comments

perdix 29

Wednesday 11 July 2012 3:52

If his pants are around his ankles, he's not naked . . . he's merely almost naked. I'm sure most people will say he was naked enough for all practical purposes, butt when you get down to comment 100+, there's not much new to say.

MDashwood 4

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:07

Boys are suppose to kill the bug...he obviously didn't learn this! Lol

Llama_Face89 33

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:20

Your husband is a giant pussy...

perdix 29

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:29

It's funny how "pussy" is a symbol of weakness, yet "balls" are a symbol of courage. A pussy can stretch to many times it's original size to pass a baby through it, yet a slight shot to the balls can make a man vomit and incapacitate him. It's odd how the reality of the organs is opposite to their images.

MissMae93 23

Wednesday 11 July 2012 6:02

In the wise words of Betty White: "Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a ******. Those things take a pounding."

angeluv_2014 22

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:36

roaches can be very deadly :'l

xNephilim 18

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:39

My boyfriend is terrified of them too. Understandable, because I freak out seriously bad when I see one. Bugs, roaches, anything like that are disgusting.

loyeah 10

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:40

wow how did he manage to jump into the bathtub in a state of fright without tripping over his own pants.

s0ulslack 20

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:51

From the sound of this "man" I'm surprised you weren't wiping his ass too :(

evhrocks876 4

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:56

That's hilarious

kitty292 9

Wednesday 11 July 2012 4:58

Considering I'm dealing with one being in my house hidden right now, I sympathize with your husband. I hate cockroaches and I wish they would all die. Harsh, but there it is. I'm terrified of them.