Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when... - FML

By guh - 31/08/2016 15:54 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Spicy

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 771

You deserved it 4 286

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Same thing different taste

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 996

You deserved it 2 788

By Anonymous - 08/04/2015 17:19 - United States - Ann Arbor

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 357

You deserved it 4 652

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 231

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 06:28 - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 570

You deserved it 3 451

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 11:45 - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 324

You deserved it 5 601

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 387

You deserved it 12 105

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 137

You deserved it 5 570

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 3 230

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 352

You deserved it 9 770

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 12:43 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 922

You deserved it 1 588

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Top comments

AnthraxPrincess 18

Wednesday 31 August 2016 23:57

Well, at least you were concerned about your brother and turns out he was totally fine. Imagine if you didn't go check on him and it was really a seizure. Fyl, though, OP. Hope you can get that image out of your mind someday.

feven 32

Thursday 1 September 2016 0:01

At least he didn't actually have a seizure.

Comments

SpectralTrix 7

Sunday 4 September 2016 15:56

Did he nut?

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Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

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You deserved it 17

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 434

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Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 746

You deserved it 68 557

Today, after I retired November 2021, broke my left leg in February 2022, was able to walk unaided around the end of July, broke my left hip in August 2022, physical therapy is now starting. Today. Happy retirement! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 110

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 477

Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 862

You deserved it 2 527

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 246

You deserved it 3 241

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 712

You deserved it 1 886