Animals: Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did"...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 125

You deserved it 52 150

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Self report

By banana12321 - 02/04/2015 04:40 - United States - Fresno

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 207

You deserved it 30 492

NDA FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 16:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 182

It's never a mannequin

By I heart Kevin from JTL - 20/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 371

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 963

You deserved it 47 331

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 16:01

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 2 503

Self report

By Anonymous - 25/05/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 048

You deserved it 5 532

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 10:55 - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 472

You deserved it 38 090

Keep quiet

By PoorAndabroke - 28/05/2022 22:00

Today, I learned that you shouldn’t announce on social media that you’re leaving on vacation for a week. Your house might get broken into, and all your electronics will be missing. They were kind enough to leave a note saying, “If you can afford a vacation, you can afford to replace all this shit. Have fun!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 1 430

By Pooperscooper - 20/07/2009 18:45 - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 681

You deserved it 6 892

Family secrets

By Anonymous - 22/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Marysville

Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 68

somela 0

Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt

studentwoes 2

Friday 27 November 2009 20:09

Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!

Comments

huskycheer2015 0

Friday 27 November 2009 21:45

And you didnt even think for a minute that maybe the family loved the dog and it was just ur own selfish actions that u were thinking all about your self. You are cold hearted and SELFISH! What did the dog do to u that was so bad that the rest of the family didn't want to get rid of he dog. When you say its the "family" dog does that mean the dog wasn't really yours? Like it was your sister and her imidiate family or that it was your and your boyfriend or husbands and your child's dog and you got rid of it? Yikes. Get yourself checked for brain tumor

meorz 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 1:44

Mate your a *******, did YOU ever stop and think that dog may have caused a lot of problems therefore the OP felt inclined to have to give it away, regardless if the family loving it. How the **** would it be selfish if the dog was destructive and/or costing to much money?

SolluxCaptor3589 15

Friday 4 March 2016 15:18

It would be selfish because from the sounds of it he didn't tell the other owners of the dog, if the dog was s family dog and you had to tell the kids he ran away that's fine but if you tell your spouse the same thing, especially if they assisted in paying for the animal! This fml is in no way earning any sympathy from me, I hope it comes back around to bit you in the ass op!

Elendil_fml 10

Friday 27 November 2009 21:49

You gave the family dog away without telling anyone? YDI for being an asshole.

oxrox 0

Friday 27 November 2009 21:55

**** you! Animals have feelings too!

DameGreyWulf 0

Friday 27 November 2009 22:03

Who's to say the dog didn't go to a nice family? I mean, yeah OP's an ass, but the dog's not necessarily screwed. The family is for sure, but perhaps not the dog.