Animals: Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for...

By Anonyme - 10/06/2011 23:07 - France

Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 228

You deserved it 3 926

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/05/2012 22:09 - Netherlands - Vianen

Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 503

You deserved it 24 715

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 001

You deserved it 2 223

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 291

You deserved it 3 915

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 36 079

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 167

You deserved it 6 521

By thewrittenrebel - 28/10/2014 07:40 - South Africa - Bellville

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 369

You deserved it 5 891

By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 348

You deserved it 1 144

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 309

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 671

You deserved it 531

Tough guy, huh?

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 343

You deserved it 44 307

ifailplzinsultme 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

Tell them that you were playing angry birds and one of them left the screen and attacked you

kitty_f 3

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

why not ?! just admit it

Comments

Simofoster 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:38

That's not that bad!

jennifer93 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:38

say you got knifed by a mugger when you were saving some old woman's life

mismonroe 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:44

When you were helping a little old lady cross the street you saw that a kitten was stuck high up in a tree, which you scaled, bare handed. After bringing it down safely you tore that kittens owners (a Halle Berry lookalike) ass up like she swallowed a whole BOX of staples. And then got attacked by a pigeon..

iSurf_fml 8

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:47

God, if just one stable was bad...

mismonroe 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:53

Oh yeah.

Taurusbaybe 8

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:44

The excuses people are coming up with are more entertaining than the FML itself. Oh, say you were in bar fight, and won! It's plausible!

UnicornHooker 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:46

Blame a Hispanic girl gang initiation ceremony. Like the one on American Dad. On another note, I love pigeons. The ones in my town eat out of my hand. I love rats too. I'm weirdly fond of vermin.

mismonroe 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:48

There's a pigeon in your hair!

UnicornHooker 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:50

Oh no, there's not. My head has been shaved since that photo was taken. I shaved my hair off for a leukaemia charity.

rhysfucker 24

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:50

my buddy had a pet rat named Toby. he used to ride around on by bud's shoulder. he was a cool rat. not very fond of pigeons, though

mismonroe 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:53

Go you. Rats are quite the pet, I had two as a teenager, they're actually pretty brilliant.

UnicornHooker 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:53

That's so cool. I trained my old Dumbo Rat to ride around on my shoulder. They're really clever animals, and learn cool little tricks like that really quickly.