Intimacy: Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my...

By Playaaa - 14/11/2015 22:08 - United States - Hollister

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 417

You deserved it 28 720

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Same thing different taste

By xsnqw - 19/01/2016 22:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 581

You deserved it 6 956

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 5 246

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 7 821

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 295

You deserved it 5 774

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 96 460

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745

You deserved it 37 969

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 4 488

By IsThisRealLife - 01/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 912

You deserved it 5 805

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

By DearLord - 03/04/2020 23:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 179

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 312

You deserved it 21 673

JHPugh 19

Sunday 15 November 2015 18:21

Absent-minded actions are sometimes pretty embarrassing.

mattzawesome 28

Sunday 15 November 2015 18:22

Not uncommon lots of absent minded men do it, me included. #1 not weird at all.

Comments

dutchy86 20

Sunday 15 November 2015 19:58

don't you just love phones?

zarrie_carrie281 21

Sunday 15 November 2015 20:24

a follow up is very necessary for this Lol!

BadKitty13 28

Sunday 15 November 2015 20:38

why ?

Shafro_0 24

Sunday 15 November 2015 20:51

Just stay away from any parks when you get a phone call xD

Talonshere 14

Sunday 15 November 2015 21:03

Wow... I was actually doing that as I read this!

vikky538 28

Sunday 15 November 2015 23:07

Not weird at all..

InSaMiTy 8

Sunday 15 November 2015 23:28

I was doing the same thing while I was reading this lol

ImStuj 11

Monday 16 November 2015 0:27

I'm sorry but that is just too funny OP

Quicky5_ 16

Monday 16 November 2015 0:40

Habits can be a real bitch sometimes

cannbend 11

Monday 16 November 2015 2:31

Every guy plays with his junk- no matter in private or public

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Cute Haircut Miscellaneous Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Cats DIY Family Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management Poopoo peepee Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Anxiety Technology

The Top

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 77

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 713

The Top

Today, I went to a funeral with my family. As we were walking on the grass to the burial site, my 5-year-old brother curiously asks, in a not-so-quiet voice, "Sissy, are we walking on dead people?" It was hard to answer his question with so many glaring people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 160

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 743

You deserved it 5 448

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 055

You deserved it 5 364

Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 83

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 2 223

Today, I found out the girl I lost my virginity to during prom night is pregnant with my kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 2 237

Same thing different taste

Great chat!

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

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