Animals: Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out... - FML

By bad luck Bianca - 17/01/2015 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 844

You deserved it 10 204

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By andrea99 - 03/10/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 662

You deserved it 3 416

By Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 69

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 340

You deserved it 539

By ew - 03/08/2014 18:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 543

You deserved it 49 986

Creeped out

By Baustigt - 06/08/2014 13:34 - Australia

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 992

You deserved it 4 590

Clever

By FMLTIMESTWO - 10/06/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 557

You deserved it 61 972

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 20:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 635

You deserved it 8 870

By yuck - 15/11/2011 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 020

You deserved it 17 426

By Unknown - 30/06/2014 01:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 917

You deserved it 7 213

By browngirl - 29/09/2013 04:16 - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 864

You deserved it 4 972

Next

Top comments

vikky538 28

Sunday 18 January 2015 14:45

and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi...

mct_1087 27

Sunday 18 January 2015 14:32

You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car.

Comments

koulra15 10

Sunday 18 January 2015 22:16

Should have gone to speck savers

mossprincess 12

Sunday 18 January 2015 23:44

I don't see the big deal. You did yourself a favor.

fivehuskies 6

Sunday 18 January 2015 23:49

How did he deserve that?

AlphaDoge 6

Monday 19 January 2015 0:25

Honesty, why is this an FML? You picked up a dead lizard.... So what?

QueenOfSuppness 25

Monday 19 January 2015 3:35

Well, at least it wasn't a snake.

33Superman 10

Monday 19 January 2015 8:09

The question is... What happened next?

Peachtranquility 15

Monday 19 January 2015 18:27

What if the dead lizard landed on someone's windshield..

Llama_Face89 33

Monday 19 January 2015 19:42

Aww poor lizard.. :(

eerrun 8

Monday 19 January 2015 19:59

I would've died. Jesus take the wheel!

gloriousjohnson 3

Wednesday 21 January 2015 16:19

the other day while pulling up some old carpeting in my house i picked up what i thought was a loose staple on the floor. upon further investigation it turned out to be the smallest baby mouse i have ever seen in petrified form

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The Top

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 843

You deserved it 17 114

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 646

You deserved it 1 159

The Top

Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 835

You deserved it 724

Today, I looked at my bank balance. It read $1.23. That's higher than it usually is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 561

You deserved it 8 741

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I'm actually alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 985

You deserved it 2 628

Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 209

You deserved it 4 593

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 409

You deserved it 22 965

Today, my fiancée informed me she wants us to go on a cruise for her birthday. I replied, "Ahhh cruise ships, the Walmart of the Seven Seas." She threw a mixer at my feet and told me I ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 1 116