Animals: Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out... - FML

By bad luck Bianca - 17/01/2015 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 846

You deserved it 10 204

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By andrea99 - 03/10/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 663

You deserved it 3 416

By Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 69

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 340

You deserved it 539

By ew - 03/08/2014 18:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 543

You deserved it 49 988

Creeped out

By Baustigt - 06/08/2014 13:34 - Australia

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 992

You deserved it 4 591

Clever

By FMLTIMESTWO - 10/06/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 558

You deserved it 61 972

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 20:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 635

You deserved it 8 870

By yuck - 15/11/2011 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 022

You deserved it 17 427

By Unknown - 30/06/2014 01:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the lump under my carpet that I stomped on to flatten was actually a dead frog that had gotten caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 917

You deserved it 7 213

By browngirl - 29/09/2013 04:16 - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 865

You deserved it 4 972

Next

Top comments

vikky538 28

Sunday 18 January 2015 14:45

and here I am wondering why this FML got more ydi...

mct_1087 27

Sunday 18 January 2015 14:32

You have to wonder how a dead lizard got inside your car.

Comments

rdenkewicz 11

Sunday 18 January 2015 19:03

Why so many ydi's? You would want to throw both a stick and a lizard out of your car.

The_Avatar 22

Sunday 18 January 2015 19:15

Only in the deep south

novapine 19

Sunday 18 January 2015 19:28

I found a lizard in my closet that had died in the summer. It looked like a stick too.

badgercheese94 16

Sunday 18 January 2015 19:47

Good lord that is my worst nightmare

coldwar252 13

Sunday 18 January 2015 20:32

You deserve it for throwing a stick outside? Really guys?

biohazardpanda 2

Sunday 18 January 2015 20:44

Really? just a dead lizard? worse things could happen. F the lizards life.

Johnnycake23 42

Sunday 18 January 2015 20:59

Broken Lizard's Club Dread part 2!

dragonkisses28 25

Sunday 18 January 2015 21:11

At least it wasn't a dead snake?

Maggi_1997 15

Sunday 18 January 2015 21:16

Why the **** have so many people people voted ydi on this one? It would be truly horrible if you are a person who's too scared of lizards and bugs in general.

Namenlos_fml 20

Sunday 18 January 2015 21:59

And in the parallel FML universe: "Today, I was minding my own business when I heard a startled yell. I turned my head towards the noise, just in time to get hit in the face by a dead lizard."

Keywords

Love Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Miscellaneous Relatable You're fired Work Cars Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Sex Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Frustration Coworkers Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Technology Health

The Top

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school that says, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 746

You deserved it 3 568

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 524

You deserved it 1 300

The Top

Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 118

Today, I'm pretty sure I ran into an FML post written by my supposedly understanding and caring boyfriend. The post was about us not having sex in a long while. Sorry I have PTSD and therapy flared it all back up! Recurring nightmares and physical pain aren't a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 466

Today, an old fling said she regretted her previous choice and wanted to try again, so I happily accepted. She failed to tell me that her previous choice was crazy. Not only is he stalking her, but he's also stalking me and sending her messages about who I'm with and what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 913

You deserved it 355

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 397

You deserved it 7 347

Today, I fucked up when I answered a phone call. I wasn't sure who the number was at first, and it turned out to be my ex girlfriend who had apparently been stalking me. She asked me how my new girlfriend was, and as I answered it in front of my girlfriend, she's now depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 231

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 3 555