Work: Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first... - FML

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 014

You deserved it 3 030

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Same thing different taste

By fucked - 24/08/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 390

You deserved it 6 191

By TacoMan32 - 06/12/2016 04:26 - Canada

Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 180

You deserved it 638

Oops.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 01:30

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 872

You deserved it 1 118

By mrsimintrouble - 29/07/2016 06:01 - United States - Redding

Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 753

You deserved it 2 373

By Tey - 22/12/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 921

You deserved it 17 854

By heymacie - 29/04/2016 01:41 - United States - Beckley

Today, it was my second day at my new job as a bank teller. I got locked in the vault while alarms were being tested. I was in there for an hour and none of my coworkers had even noticed that I'd gone missing. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 140

You deserved it 1 172

Bad day, huh?

By evenpoorer - 16/03/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8-hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I'm now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 010

You deserved it 3 571

By Chloe - 20/12/2010 18:08 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 985

You deserved it 65 782

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 548

You deserved it 3 364

By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 932

You deserved it 3 891

Next

Top comments

ilyuhms 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 8:32

i wish my job was that exciting

SxeDaze 13

Thursday 24 November 2011 8:33

Must have been a "BOMB" day at work...no , okay ill go back under my rock.

Comments

DownWithSebster 9

Thursday 24 November 2011 9:42

Isn't that part of your job? Why are you surprised?

cordelay98 10

Thursday 24 November 2011 9:42

sounds better than my life! I want some exciting things to happen to me!

captainfalcon7 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 9:44

did you get a raise?

MeMoUpT 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 9:53

Uzz that happened to me a bunch of times. When I worked security. You got alot more bs like that coming around your way man just expect it .

killak41 9

Thursday 24 November 2011 10:11

Trial by fire???

pandalove17 2

Thursday 24 November 2011 10:13

Lmao

mixmaster647 2

Thursday 24 November 2011 10:20

Why are you complaining its just ur job x.x

jasonpatel03 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 10:42

Started out reading it casually and ended up with my eyes super wide and me saying "ohh shiit" haha

julian24245 0

Thursday 24 November 2011 11:30

B**** please, that how I start off every morning.

ilovemusic0205 7

Thursday 24 November 2011 15:01

^Win

WhiteJoker_fml 7

Thursday 24 November 2011 11:59

Lol that's kinda like my summer job this year. On my first day on duty: "Attention Attention this is a staff announcement, code 1000 central warehouse, code 1000 central warehouse." Guess where I was standing? Also code 1000 is a pre-warning for evacuation... Luckily it got called off, but it was exciting nonetheless. Or that time that there was a stray backpack...

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The Top

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 39 590

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 635

You deserved it 42 713

The Top

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 017

You deserved it 24 810

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 397

You deserved it 50 193

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 102

You deserved it 5 191

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 549

You deserved it 3 107

Today, I was working Xmas Eve. The managers let themselves off today leaving me, a severely inadequately trained employee, to handle the department. Of course the first customer interaction ended with me bursting into tears, all because I blew up her life-sized storm trooper balloon wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 739

You deserved it 861

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 063

You deserved it 17 853