Miscellaneous: Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking...

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 439

You deserved it 90 828

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 925

You deserved it 45 104

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 926

You deserved it 54 304

By Hopslammer - 17/06/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 237

You deserved it 49 060

By Pain - 28/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 002

You deserved it 72 210

Smoking is bad

By ID10t - 10/11/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 812

You deserved it 53 876

By kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 770

You deserved it 71 619

By Seriously? - 15/05/2013 21:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 396

You deserved it 3 528

Close but no cigar

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 607

You deserved it 15 134

By lageste - 20/11/2008 04:37 - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 190

You deserved it 5 325

By Anonymous - 13/08/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 332

You deserved it 56 153

AndelleRae 9

Friday 17 July 2009 12:14

... Why is cigarette in quotation marks? Why not just say "I was smoking a joint?" Also. You're a woman with an uncomfortable burn on your man member? ... Whatever floats you're boat. And sorry if you're transgendered and I've offended you.

Jimboom 11

Friday 17 July 2009 12:11

Ha ha! Sorry to hear that happened but yes, smoking is bad Mmmmkay. Could have been worse though.... it could have been a cigar.

Comments

uberchicken 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 0:59

I think it's a trap.

zed_eh 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 2:29

wwjd?

blondiee09 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 5:11

uhh your man member? this is posted as an anonymous woman. I'm assuming this is either a joke or a mistake

zargon 1

Sunday 19 July 2009 10:47

Or the person could be transgendered. I wouldn't expect such a person to use the term "man member', but it's not out of the question.

blondiee09 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 5:14

geez guitarist take a ******* pill. And besides, of the top 20 students in my high school, 15 are hard core partiers. dont assume people dont smoke or drink just because you dont know if they do or dont djb23 = HERO :)

iTz_Mark 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 10:02

a man member? You have a Penis? o_o

ladydutch154 0

Monday 20 July 2009 1:54

you never shoulda started smoking in the first place its bad for you dumb ass

threatsketch 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 4:25

i think you deserved it for smoking, idiot

cr1sis 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 7:18

thats distrubing but haha ydi for smoking in the first place but i have some sympathy if you started during say the 50s cause it wasnt really considered bad back then and it would mean its impossibly hard for you to quit