Dad jokes and Miscellaneous: Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep....

By mags - 16/02/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said, "See you in a decade." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 426

You deserved it 6 817

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 013

You deserved it 3 043

By beautyschool22 - 11/06/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 3 281

Prepper

By suze44 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 242

You deserved it 5 370

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 918

You deserved it 35 961

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 535

You deserved it 11 128

By anonymous - 22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 2 545

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 216

You deserved it 6 252

By tooearly - 01/01/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 009

You deserved it 3 372

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 23:07 - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 13 270

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 759

You deserved it 3 754

bobdole 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

that was funny, but a simple joke. your life is not effed, don't worry.

Amkii 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:13

LOL! Your dad rocks.

Comments

bobdole 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

that was funny, but a simple joke. your life is not effed, don't worry.

Peilin 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

lol humorous dad

Melody_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:53

ddddddaaaaaaamn that would annoy me. but i guess it'd depend on his tone of voice. coulda been strait up joke. my dads called me gay before, when i said somethin bout it he was like gay means happy!! ha i wasnt too happy then

Amkii 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:13

LOL! Your dad rocks.

greenman_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 18:01

at least you don't have to worry about incest.

Speech_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 18:33

#7 you should stop being friends with that melodramatic idiot forthwith.

SadinSherman 16

Thursday 18 November 2010 8:09

Agreed what a drama queen

greenfairy_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 19:03

maybe he just meant you looked really tired?

carriealana 0

Monday 16 February 2009 21:10

I second #12. Obviously a joke and nothing to get your panties in a wad over.

Seegtease 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 0:46

#11 needs to lighten up. He was being funny. Jokes are that way, not always meant to be taken seriously.

AliSama 17

Sunday 22 February 2009 20:30

reply "at least it isn't till when hell freezes over, like you dad"

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Lonely Halloween Wanker Jealousy Love Party Fight Family Argument Animals Cats Parents Sports Health Embarrassing Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute Work AITA

The Top

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 170

You deserved it 3 217

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 429

You deserved it 3 084

The Top

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 340

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 845

You deserved it 8 600

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 58 873

Today, I was strolling along a sidewalk when I noticed that my shoelace was untied. As I knelt down to tie it, my brand new $1,000 phone fell out of my pocket and into a storm sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 092

You deserved it 2 943

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 015

You deserved it 3 272

Today, I'm apparently on a "thinking ban." My wife and kids have banned me from starting any sentence with, “I think“ because it always leads to some sort of disaster, or accident, or expensive mistake, etc. So I'm no longer allowed to think because me thinking is dangerous for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 847

Same thing different taste

Prepper

Thanks, I hate it

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