Animals: Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running...

By tracie - 22/09/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 639

You deserved it 5 014

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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By PrinceOfBritain - 14/05/2015 02:41 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 470

You deserved it 3 524

By I'm Not Dead Yet - 09/06/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 776

You deserved it 5 219

It's alive!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 635

You deserved it 4 360

Be careful out there

By Burningeyes - 09/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when a lady approached me, commented how beautiful she was, and asked to pet her. I obliged and next thing I knew I was pushed to the ground and maced. She made off with my dog. The police is unable to locate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 75

Mud bogging

By Anonymous - 04/07/2024 22:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I went to a park to relax and read a book. A dog came up and started sniffing me. I tried to shoo it away, but it sat on my lap, and refused to move. His owner came up to me, laughed, and said, "Congratulations, you've been chosen!" as I tried to get rid of the mud all over my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 156

By ambulancedriver - 12/09/2009 18:35 - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 5 491

By D - 09/09/2011 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 262

You deserved it 4 838

By Nucleus - 08/10/2015 13:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 269

You deserved it 3 470

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 391

You deserved it 50 988

By ashleyramsay - 23/10/2009 19:13 - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 704

You deserved it 11 816

Mal2003 17

Friday 12 January 2018 21:12

"Man tries to convince cops he's not dead."

lucasj23 11

Friday 29 June 2018 21:35

so someone thought that you reading a book was a dead body? that makes no sense. dead people aren't usually reading.

Comments

Mal2003 17

Friday 12 January 2018 21:12

"Man tries to convince cops he's not dead."

lucasj23 11

Friday 29 June 2018 21:35

so someone thought that you reading a book was a dead body? that makes no sense. dead people aren't usually reading.

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The Top

Today, our baby refuses to sleep through the night. My dad told us to play Heavy Metal because it put me to sleep as a baby. We are currently playing "Jekyll and Hyde" by Five Finger Death Punch on repeat and she’s been asleep for 7 hours. Unfortunately, the neighbours are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 179

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 244

The Top

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 859

You deserved it 6 456

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 3 891

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 3 889

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 229

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said, "Eww!" The boy then asked, "What's "ew" mean?" I replied, "Something gross and yucky." Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 615

You deserved it 8 908

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 6 487