Work: Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours...

FML for mobile
Free

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 798

You deserved it 1 975

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Ouchie

By StupidNurse - 26/01/2012 21:57 - Germany

Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 763

You deserved it 4 247

Triage

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 14:01

Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 15:16 - United States - Jasper

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 1 167

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 188

You deserved it 7 949

MVP

By Darren - 31/08/2020 04:01 - Australia - Greenacre

Today, during my second shift back at work after missing four weeks for knee surgery, I stabbed myself in the hand and now need three weeks off for that surgery. Just as I'm up for a promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 368

911 please

By hurts - 04/05/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 676

You deserved it 4 994

Help!

By Krissy - 01/04/2021 19:59

Today, at work on the front desk at a dental office, there was a massive system glitch. I'm now currently recreating appointments for around 300 patients, on top of checking out the patients that are currently in today from their appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 65

By Bandgeek - 16/03/2017 20:00

Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 972

You deserved it 781

Make it stop

By Dr No - 08/07/2022 01:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I work at a medical practice with over 30,000 Patients. Due to staff sickness and vacations, we only have 50 appointments available. I work on the phones, taking appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 114

By Sarah - 07/05/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 894

You deserved it 3 044

SweetAsHell 9

Friday 23 November 2012 2:57

Someone had two forks in them?? Did they try to get one out with another?

gonad_gobbler 1

Friday 23 November 2012 2:58

I was going to take a stab at a pun, but I was afraid my joke just wasn't going to cut it.

Comments

jayhawkchik 4

Friday 23 November 2012 15:48

Huh, sux to be the overachiever with 2 forks stuck in them. What the hell merits being stabbed with 2 forks?!

BananerzFresh 12

Friday 23 November 2012 18:56

I those Turkeys weren't going to be eaten without a fight.

I3eefChowFun 7

Friday 23 November 2012 19:07

Wait, someone had 2 forks in them? "Ouch, I stabbed myself with a carving fork. But it's ok. Lets try again with another fork."

BigSexy123 11

Friday 23 November 2012 20:15

You have won the internet for today. That mental image made me laugh.

Smeelover27 15

Friday 23 November 2012 19:17

I'm sure DocBastard can empathize with your username.

SqWR37 2

Friday 23 November 2012 20:19

5 forks in 4 people....who the hell got stabbed twice???

Bright_Lights 14

Saturday 24 November 2012 0:09

Ah, America...

klm2purple 18

Saturday 24 November 2012 2:15

I was almost expecting it to say I pulled four forks out of five people! Would have loved to see that in person...

EvilLee 1

Saturday 24 November 2012 4:17

BEST story, Ever!

shawnagreenbean1 9

Saturday 24 November 2012 5:46

So that means... One of them had two stuck in them? Hoooowwwwwww!??

herponi 2

Sunday 25 November 2012 3:45

FIVE forks. FOUR people??

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Parents Awkward Surprise Party Friends Weird Relatable LGBTQIA+ Love Health Diets Bodyshaming Mental health AITA Family Cancer Facebook Death Scams Football Embarrassing Teenagers Clothes Disappointment Education Religion Tinder Anger Jealousy

The Top

Today, I competed in my first half marathon since getting my new wheelchair. The mile marker I was meant to follow turned out to be the ex I cheated on. I eventually outpaced her, only to bump into the ex who cheated on me. I’ve gotta stop shitting where I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 1 595

Today, my father accused me of not taking care of my 15-month-old son, who is putting on weight slowly because of starting to walk and run. Come on, for a man who sees his grandchildren two or three times a year and never gives his daughter a call, who gave him the courage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 127

The Top

Today, my husband refused to let my mother move in with us. He said he’d rather buy her another house than let her move in, then he actually threatened divorce before he’d let her move in. He’s never been this stubborn before about anything. I don’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 2 251

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 677

You deserved it 47 686

Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 095

You deserved it 42 266

Today, I was ready to get intimate with my husband 7 months after giving birth to our son. He always made excuses as to why he couldn’t. Our marriage was on the rocks because of this, so when I sat him down to talk he admitted that to save this marriage I need to get a “tummy tuck” and a “breast lift.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 246

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 977

You deserved it 40 652

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 732

You deserved it 3 396