Work: Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him.... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/01/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 397

You deserved it 36 036

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Same thing different taste

By TrulyYours - 07/05/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 559

You deserved it 5 915

Honey…

By greenintheface - 30/04/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 728

You deserved it 4 106

Priorities

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 002

You deserved it 1 871

By Martine624 - 07/05/2015 21:56 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 121

You deserved it 3 477

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 3 813

By SophieGray - 20/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 889

You deserved it 5 066

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 209

You deserved it 5 198

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 05:17 - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 846

You deserved it 6 162

By samantha - 27/01/2010 14:05 - Singapore

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 745

You deserved it 4 380

By lulu - 11/02/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 295

You deserved it 4 716

Next

Top comments

whoaaahorsie 7

Monday 23 January 2012 12:28

for a dirty translation, maybe "if there's **** involved i'll get on my knees and be your bitch" ?

lukybasturd 0

Monday 23 January 2012 12:00

well me not understanding this is my fml. someone please comment an explanation.

Comments

Iceburg123 2

Saturday 23 March 2013 8:54

The "your life sucks" tag could not have found a more appropriate target...

barksdalescott 11

Tuesday 10 November 2015 9:03

How on earth is it even possible to **** up that badly...?

newthoughts_ 16

Sunday 29 November 2015 0:43

"Well if there's **** involved....I'd get on my knees and be your bitch"

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 077

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 831

The Top

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 482

You deserved it 2 323

Today, after feeling lost and sad for a long time, in a last attempt to get some answers, I'd saved up and flew to see a very famous clairvoyant. For the whole session, all she talked about was how great and successful my brother is going to be. $250 down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 1 694

Today, I took my neighbor, who lives alone, to the hospital as she was complaining of stomach pains. Being a healthcare professional, all signs pointed to appendicitis. We waited for 6 hours to be told she needed to poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 387

You deserved it 1 127

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 50

Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 92

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 116

You deserved it 425