Health: Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy...

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 271

You deserved it 3 445

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 02:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 768

You deserved it 2 494

Hard pass

By Mew - 04/06/2009 12:07 - United States

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 232

You deserved it 4 087

Such a rewarding career

By DirtyNurse - 05/12/2020 07:01 - United States - Center Point

Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 184

By FML - 12/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 424

You deserved it 3 283

We could be heroes…

By ally - 23/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Austin

Today, I was changing a wound bandage on one of my patient’s buttocks. I forgot to initial and date the bandage per hospital regulation. As I kneeled in to write, the patient let out the biggest loudest fart directly in my face. The worst part? Some of it sprayed out, some on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 16:00

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 272

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 73

True hero

By MentalHealthWorker - 17/09/2020 02:05

Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 20/07/2014 05:23 - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 542

You deserved it 4 440

Pissed

By kkmirw - 14/10/2019 05:00

Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 105

um_duh 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 12:22

What a shitty day eh?

lololol111 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 12:45

11 and 12, psychology is a completely different field then psychiatry

Comments

Googoo27 12

Saturday 23 April 2011 19:54

hope u kept ur mouth closed

ChrisofTheK 0

Monday 9 May 2011 16:48

ha were the ones that invented the word shit just some of us have morals and don't decide to make ourselves look ugly like ou

birdfreak 24

Tuesday 14 June 2011 3:13

as long as it didn't burst, I think you're okay.

babe7260 30

Friday 13 April 2012 14:27

Omg SO SORRY that happened lesson learned for next time!!!

matrixx01001 4

Sunday 27 May 2012 20:26

I believe that's what you call "shit face"

shawnagreenbean1 9

Thursday 23 August 2012 3:31

Colostomy? Colonostomy isn't a real thing, lol.

lalaney 14

Friday 25 October 2013 22:06

There are certain words that I see on FML that stop me from reading any further. Colonostomy" and "tampon" are some of them.

LyricaSilvan 29

Tuesday 24 February 2015 16:04

It's "colostomy," OP.

trumpy 9

Saturday 5 March 2016 2:41

the last sentence was not necessary...you just repeated yourself

ruudseriesx 25

Tuesday 13 September 2016 11:18

At least it wasn't on fire but still, what a load of shit.

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The Top

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 252

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 660

You deserved it 3 777

The Top

Today, as a bartender was carding my friends, I excitedly asked if he was going to card me. The guy gave me a blank stare before finally replying, "Look, lady, I don't have time to stroke some middle-aged woman's ego." I asked because it was my birthday. I just turned twenty-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 382

You deserved it 7 172

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 865

You deserved it 12 852

Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 360

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 130

You deserved it 607

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 415

Today, I thought I'd lost the ring that my boyfriend had given me, in the snow, in the dark. I spent a half hour with a flashlight searching every part of my driveway. The ring was on my kitchen windowsill the whole time. I took it off earlier to do dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 664

You deserved it 7 743