Miscellaneous: Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late,...

By as-salamu alaykum, motherfucker - 05/04/2014 22:04 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 165

You deserved it 3 513

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Same thing different taste

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 151

By nice one - 14/07/2013 17:51 - United States - Athens

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 796

You deserved it 2 744

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 163

Better luck next year

By clewie - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 202

Arrested

By shikushiku - 03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 382

You deserved it 989

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 11:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 5 410

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 4 009

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 663

You deserved it 3 397

By poisongrl - 06/09/2011 22:53 - Macedonia

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 2 439

The hangover, part 46

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 04:00

Today, it’s my birthday. I woke up with a raging hangover and my house being completely trashed from the party I didn’t really want, and can barely even remember, since I got so drunk from the nerves of having to host it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 996

PrincessCastiel 27

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:32

...Happy Birthday!!

Saywat145 17

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:35

I guess his party started a little earlier...

Comments

polishguy05 15

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:40

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I drive my car straight through my son's garage door

colby6666 43

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:40

Literally "blind" drunk. OP, em, happy birthday?

Lastwhiteknight 11

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:41

Your dad's name isn't Homer Simpson, is it? also, Peace be with you

letsgooo_fml 23

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:43

Well I guess a new garage door could be his present to you. Happy birthday, OP!

beaverteaser 16

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:44

did he get you a new garage door for your birthday?

sunshineb81 16

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:45

I think your dad needs an intervention. That sounds like a serious alcohol problem. Totally sucks for you though.

oooohmygosh 8

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:48

Sorry op! Don't get him anything for his birthday...

olpally 32

Sunday 6 April 2014 3:13

Getting a new garage door for your birthday apparently. What an idiot. Happy birthday, I guess.

Wizardo 33

Sunday 6 April 2014 3:15

Wa'alaykum as-Salam, to you too mothertrucker.

kenyalovesarah 11

Sunday 6 April 2014 8:01

^^ I wanted to say that. you beat me

Wizardo 33

Sunday 6 April 2014 13:12

Well great minds think alike, refreshing to see people actually know the greeting though :)

rs89 20

Sunday 6 April 2014 19:31

I'm particularly interested in his username than the actual FML and found it funny! and yeah, I'm happy the greeting is known in UK!

schwaka 17

Sunday 6 April 2014 21:51

Interesting to see others who know the greeting and response! I was just gonna post this myself.

classiceagle63 16

Sunday 6 April 2014 3:15

Doesn't he know to go out with a Big Bang not go in with one?

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The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 842

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 3 951

The Top

Today, I finally convinced my husband of 8 years to partake in a threesome with a guy who works with me, and for whom I have developed feelings. Everything was going well until, in the heat of the moment, my husband started performing oral sex on my colleague. I can't face either of them now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 1 173

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 210

You deserved it 3 322

He is not one with the force.

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 401

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 805

You deserved it 41 991

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 081

You deserved it 2 634

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 441

You deserved it 9 959