Animals: Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat...

By targetlove - 10/01/2010 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 306

You deserved it 3 414

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Same thing different taste

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 29/06/2015 21:52 - United States - Tupelo

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 067

You deserved it 1 846

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By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 06:00

Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 198

Fire hose

By pissedoffandon - 06/05/2009 14:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 943

You deserved it 61 823

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 20:00

Today, I learned what a "pain in the ass" means. I sat down on my patio swing chair, only to discover it was swarming with baby wasps, who stung me all over the butt. Ouch! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 234

By feelinnauseous - 24/06/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 992

You deserved it 15 729

By life_sucks - 16/01/2010 18:46 - New Zealand

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 027

You deserved it 7 526

Fast and Furious

By TooQuick - 27/04/2016 12:19 - Mozambique - Maputo

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 029

You deserved it 2 796

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 570

You deserved it 239

What the **** was that?

By Hatty - 14/03/2010 10:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 731

You deserved it 23 691

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 522

sweatnut 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 9:06

that must be a pain in the ass. New definition of my ass is on fire.

Jonesy_fml 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 9:06

Hey, at least you didn't shit yourself... but you gotta ask yourself, was the rush worth it?

Comments

trustno1fox 0

Monday 11 January 2010 0:40

YD for not checking and not putting paper down.

purplepickle 0

Monday 11 January 2010 0:51

she never said where she was, she could have been at home with the bathroom window open or something. Why would she check the seat if it were her own bathroom and if she was the last one to use it?

ZuperDuper 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:14

Okay I highly doubt that ur butt cheeck is twice the size as it was before just from 1 wasp sting. Cuz there would only b one part of the butt where there's swelling not the entire butt cheeck. Next time, don't exagerated so much when telling a story just to get the FML on the site.

Bertha5 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:19

lookk b4 u pee next timmee ;)

meejee23 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:40

hey "zuperduper" aka number 39, youre a ******* retard. its called being ******* allergic you idiot. and when you get stung the venom spreads, which could cause her ass cheek to swell up. get a ******* life rather than being on this website trying to prove people are exaggerating.

pazzapsims 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:51

Hahaha!!! That is hilarious!! That must have sucked! I've never been stung by a bee, wasp etc... (thankfully) but being stung on the bum? Mmmm... god that's gotta HURT!!