Intimacy: Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to... - FML

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 703

You deserved it 6 765

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Same thing different taste

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Spicy

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 525

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 470

Mood ruined

By InterestingReaction - 10/04/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, it was mine and my girlfriend's two-year anniversary. Back in my room, I decided to get sexy for her by opening the bathroom door, dropping my bath towel, and slowly approaching the bed in the buff. I tripped over my feet and fell flat on my face twice while doing so, which she hysterically laughed at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 529

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off, so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 577

You deserved it 8 624

Surprised indeed

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Spicy

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 064

You deserved it 24 113

Ball Is Life

By Anonymous - 17/09/2018 12:00

Spicy

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 973

You deserved it 256

Not really the desired effect

By Ouchithurt - 04/08/2009 07:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 019

You deserved it 21 066

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 283

By Katrina - 13/02/2011 22:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 626

You deserved it 9 579

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 7 147

Next

Top comments

Miss_Q 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:04

If you hadn't of been so excited she wouldn't have had as much to grab onto!

Ea12thquake 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:03

owned hahah that sucks

Comments

Flicker45 0

Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:34

hahaha omg that is ******* funny

Angelboy863 0

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:45

xD

NeonGingaNinja 8

Sunday 28 August 2011 5:12

What a mood killer. I'm sorry, OP.

aladdin2502 7

Monday 5 September 2011 8:43

Hope u ok

vixenlegs22 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 22:34

dad? haha saw the name and its my last name lol

OctoberRainfall 13

Thursday 15 December 2011 17:31

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....sorry about that XD

burnsie22 5

Wednesday 4 January 2012 1:34

What's the bad part?

Allyyboo 0

Friday 3 February 2012 1:15

Least she was trying to be seductive. :p

xHexIsxMyxLifex 0

Sunday 26 February 2012 20:18

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

dudette123456789 0

Tuesday 26 June 2012 22:11

OUCH.... that must hurt alot for u since ur a guy!

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The Top

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 866

You deserved it 5 424

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

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You deserved it 14 749

The Top

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You deserved it 3 301

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You deserved it 8 715

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I agree, your life sucks 20 915

You deserved it 35 681

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 688

You deserved it 40 960

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 217

You deserved it 238