ADHD, Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons...

By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 06:18 - Canada

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADHD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 121

You deserved it 6 330

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By margelover - 11/10/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 132

You deserved it 9 045

ADHD brain

By Giggity - 04/12/2022 21:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my attention deficit has gotten so bad that I started watching Family Guy on YouTube to avoid doing any work, then ten seconds later I got bored, grabbed my phone, and looked up "sexy cartoon porn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 1 107

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 10 935

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 958

You deserved it 6 908

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 1 821

Concentrate

By why am I like this?! - 24/02/2023 04:00

Today, stress makes my ADHD skyrocket. I lost focus while rubbing one out and didn’t realize I forgot to finish while I was doing the dishes. When I went to my room to try to get the job done, I lost focus again and ended up doing laundry. Not exactly the load I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 462

One track mind

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 404

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 69 851

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 302

perdix 29

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:58

I thought Marge's blue pubes would help you get to the finish line.

MrHomerSimpson 11

Wednesday 21 December 2011 14:40

Don't say that about my wife.

Comments

minisquid 9

Thursday 22 December 2011 8:58

Hey everyone, thought I'd say hello on ac- EVERYONE HAS ADH- AWWWW MY CAT JUST YAWNED

noneya143 0

Thursday 22 December 2011 9:51

No body cares.

GUNZnRAIGN 6

Thursday 22 December 2011 12:34

man, i know how you feel..

brick_man33 14

Friday 23 December 2011 4:56

*fap*fap*fap*fap*...."oh long cat is really long"

cmac86 23

Friday 23 December 2011 9:48

This site has definitely not made my ADD any easier to deal with.

chrisinaz 0

Friday 23 December 2011 10:36

I used to jerk off till I took an arrow to the knee

lerouxmaster 7

Friday 23 December 2011 17:27

Oh look a creepy banana !

UnluckyDude96 8

Saturday 24 December 2011 8:38

Duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh, oh sh** I'm coming!

JinDoritos 3

Sunday 25 December 2011 15:43

I wish i had nipples that could shoot thunder out of them

cassidiemarie 0

Sunday 25 December 2011 21:37

Im ADD too dont worry lol whoa

Keywords

Love Party Awkward Lonely ADHD Transportation Cars Ironic Vacation Work Mental health Miscellaneous Grandparents Accident Covid Health Kids Annoying Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Photography Art Videos Exhausted Sex Intimacy Money

The Top

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 227

Today, I went to the beach. I was in the ocean and I looked over my shoulder and saw a big black spot. Knowing that there were big crabs on the beach, I screamed. Everyone in the water heard including the lifeguards. It turns out it was just my shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 704

You deserved it 52 044

The Top

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 365

You deserved it 1 522

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 262

You deserved it 9 599

Today, I was set to meet my friends at a new, trendy café. I arrived early, eager to impress, but ended up walking into the wrong café and got stuck for an hour engaged in a disturbing conversation about serial killers with a total stranger who'd deludedly mistaken me for a long-lost friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 289

Today, my fiancé was offered a job by my boss working as a dishwasher. This is awesome, especially since he just got fired from his last job. When I brought it up, his reply was, "I don't want to work as a dishwasher." I guess beggars can be choosers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 222

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 277

You deserved it 5 993

Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 634

You deserved it 6 331