ADHD, Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons...

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 06:18 - Canada

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADHD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 6 334

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Same thing different taste

By margelover - 11/10/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 140

You deserved it 9 051

ADHD brain

By Giggity - 04/12/2022 21:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my attention deficit has gotten so bad that I started watching Family Guy on YouTube to avoid doing any work, then ten seconds later I got bored, grabbed my phone, and looked up "sexy cartoon porn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 1 118

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 194

You deserved it 10 937

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 962

You deserved it 6 913

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 1 915

Fitness for duty

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I fucked up by jacking off. I have trouble getting "in the mood" due to medication and other things, so when I do I'm excited to enjoy myself, though it often takes a while and a lot of physical effort to get there. However, in the process of getting off today, I threw out my back and my hip. I'm only 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 156

Concentrate

By why am I like this?! - 24/02/2023 04:00

Today, stress makes my ADHD skyrocket. I lost focus while rubbing one out and didn’t realize I forgot to finish while I was doing the dishes. When I went to my room to try to get the job done, I lost focus again and ended up doing laundry. Not exactly the load I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 470

One track mind

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 408

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 777

You deserved it 69 863

perdix 29

Wednesday 21 December 2011 11:58

I thought Marge's blue pubes would help you get to the finish line.

MrHomerSimpson 11

Wednesday 21 December 2011 14:40

Don't say that about my wife.

Comments

minisquid 9

Thursday 22 December 2011 8:58

Hey everyone, thought I'd say hello on ac- EVERYONE HAS ADH- AWWWW MY CAT JUST YAWNED

noneya143 0

Thursday 22 December 2011 9:51

No body cares.

GUNZnRAIGN 6

Thursday 22 December 2011 12:34

man, i know how you feel..

brick_man33 14

Friday 23 December 2011 4:56

*fap*fap*fap*fap*...."oh long cat is really long"

cmac86 23

Friday 23 December 2011 9:48

This site has definitely not made my ADD any easier to deal with.

chrisinaz 0

Friday 23 December 2011 10:36

I used to jerk off till I took an arrow to the knee

lerouxmaster 7

Friday 23 December 2011 17:27

Oh look a creepy banana !

UnluckyDude96 8

Saturday 24 December 2011 8:38

Duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh, oh sh** I'm coming!

JinDoritos 3

Sunday 25 December 2011 15:43

I wish i had nipples that could shoot thunder out of them

cassidiemarie 0

Sunday 25 December 2011 21:37

Im ADD too dont worry lol whoa

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The Top

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 725

You deserved it 3 397

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 989

You deserved it 28 249

The Top

Today, I realized that the guy that I've liked for the past 7 months is actually a girl. I've told all my friends about how much I like him, but no one bothered to tell me that he's actually a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 743

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 824

You deserved it 3 223

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 016

You deserved it 37 268

Today, I went to school in my brand new shirt. It was loose fitting and a bit thin, so I wore a sweatshirt on top, intending to take it in once inside. When I got to my seat, I took off my sweatshirt, but also took off my shirt with it, flashing my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 743

You deserved it 11 843

Today, I had a discussion with my boss. I work at a self storage, and told her that we need 8 more security cameras so that we can cover all the hallways. She decided to get 2 put into the office so she can spy on her employees instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 125

Today, I was informed by my parents that their relationship with God is more important than their relationship with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 170