Miscellaneous: Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up...

By beleria - 23/04/2012 22:41 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 238

You deserved it 2 892

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 09/08/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping when I left my cart to grab an item. I returned, and started pushing the cart again. Halfway through the store, a furious lady confronted me, demanding her cart back. I had to walk back in shame to find my own actual cart, which was now nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 461

By rescuetheduck - 10/04/2012 19:26 - Finland - Joensuu

Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 947

You deserved it 7 278

Pranks for all ages

By atleastshelldiefirst - 13/10/2012 00:18 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 995

You deserved it 1 805

Lawyer up

By gnofin - 22/03/2016 21:23 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 558

You deserved it 3 043

Are you OK?

By dxplq876 - 17/03/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 926

You deserved it 4 674

By notarobber - 15/05/2013 07:20 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 712

You deserved it 10 115

Helicopter parents

By I apologize on behalf of my mother - 14/05/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 101

By anon - 05/04/2017 04:00

Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 705

You deserved it 756

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 21:09 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 666

You deserved it 47 763

By DatAss - 15/01/2016 10:56

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 007

You deserved it 2 465

Radix 3

Tuesday 24 April 2012 1:26

It was me, sorry :)

linkinpark98 23

Tuesday 24 April 2012 1:28

Maybe you're just considered really attractive by the ghost who owns the fruit section. ;)

Comments

Allahu_Akbar 1

Tuesday 24 April 2012 2:47

Trust her guys!

mk58 31

Tuesday 24 April 2012 2:52

Or maybe someone smacked your ass and then ran off?

ZombieBear430 4

Tuesday 24 April 2012 2:53

Brings a whole new meaning to "fresh fruit"

Vanilla1Thrilla 0

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:00

Could've been the butler from Mr. Deeds... Sneaky, sneaky!

JuuChan 3

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:16

Maybe you have that weird alien hand syndrome and slapped your own ass?

icallbullshit 3

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:27

Nice.

bizarre_ftw 21

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:29

Well just incase, make sure to take that shopping cart with you

fsamslife92 8

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:32

Take it as a compliment. The invisible man thinks you have a nice ass.

CRking 0

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:34

It was god...

Awsumuzzie 12

Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:52

That's what happens when you try to fill that void of having no affection. You'll get used to it, I was creeped out when something similar occurred to me. I was taking a shower and got a sweet back massage. I turned around and only the curtains moved a bit.