Miscellaneous: Today, I went outside for a cigarette since I don't like smoking... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I went outside for a cigarette since I don't like smoking in the house. When I was done, I stomped it out. I wasn't wearing shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 124

You deserved it 66 193

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Smoking is bad

By ID10t - 10/11/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 812

You deserved it 53 876

Hello little guy

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 00:00

Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 120

By fEk - 22/03/2019 09:00 - Australia

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 990

You deserved it 342

Mr Burns

By ScarletBuckeye - 09/07/2016 16:38

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes, so I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes… but at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 491

You deserved it 5 009

By Hannah - 17/06/2011 21:24 - Ireland

Today, I made the long drive to work, got out of the car, and realised that I'd forgotten to put shoes on before I left the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 206

You deserved it 33 680

By ThatsNotRight - 31/01/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 901

You deserved it 31 067

By Anonymous - 24/07/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 016

You deserved it 22 908

By Mishti - 13/05/2018 15:00

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 214

You deserved it 1 629

By blabla - 28/10/2011 13:30 - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 317

You deserved it 12 996

Do a backflip!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 139

Next

Top comments

jordinomoose 0

Sunday 20 November 2011 9:22

Smoking is bad for you...

FYLDeep 25

Sunday 20 November 2011 9:25

Jeez, now your foot is probably as disgusting looking as your lungs.

Comments

artiestz 0

Sunday 20 November 2011 22:59

Guess that's what you get for smoking......

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 20 November 2011 23:04

You're doing it wrong, op. Let Ace Ventura show you.

mbrooks5110 0

Sunday 20 November 2011 23:18

Use a damn ashtray stop littering!

NinaKL 3

Monday 21 November 2011 0:14

I moderated an exact same story on VDM. FYL all the same and try to quit smoking.

nickolai2014 0

Monday 21 November 2011 0:15

Dumb ass

aFreedom127 9

Monday 21 November 2011 0:28

Only you can prevent forest fires.

BlueSlidePark 2

Monday 21 November 2011 1:02

Yeah, sorry but....that could've been easily avoided if you just hadn't started smoking in the first place. YDI.

SwagOutTheShower 0

Monday 21 November 2011 1:34

Now you're gonna get foot cancer.

raggyone1 4

Monday 21 November 2011 2:47

smoking kills hope u burned ur foot :)

nateiztite 5

Monday 21 November 2011 3:06

okay everyone that keeps on saying OP deserves it for smoking and trying to tell him the dangers of it please stop hes probably a big boy now if hes smoking and is well aware of the dangers that come with its his life choice and his decision to make and your intolerance isn't going to help anything it might just make him want to smoke more.

nateiztite 5

Wednesday 21 December 2011 3:41

A lot of people to that cause they don't like to go with what people tell them like sid vicious from the sex pistols for example he did everything he did to not be a part of society and stand out sure he got himself killed from an over dose of heroin but he had a huge crowd that loved him and still your comment is the example of intolerance i was talking about says you live in the usa well did you know that out here in the US tobacco was basically one of the biggest things back then and you most likely wont have most of your african american friends you have to this very day you'd still have an african american friend just not the same one most likely if it weren't for tobacco

4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 135

You deserved it 226

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 16

The Top

Today, I finally removed my car insurance after realizing it costs too much money. Since I then had more money, I went to celebrate with ice cream. On the way, I got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 130

You deserved it 55 761

Today, I got home from work and face-planted into my sofa because I hate my job, suffer from depression, recently lost my wife to cancer, and a host of other BS. As I face-planted it turned out that my sister invited herself over and had fell asleep, curled up under a blanket. Our heads collided at 30 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 82

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 44 362

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 691

You deserved it 36 935

Today, my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me by simply "ghosting" me. We're both in our late thirties. I thought she was more grown up than this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 119

Today, my parents, my two sisters and their significant others went on a vacation and dropped their children at my house without ever asking me. I'm single, live alone, and can barely make ends meet, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 131