Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave...

FML for mobile
Free

By furious at five in the morning - 02/07/2012 12:36 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 394

You deserved it 4 113

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By heart of cold - 11/01/2016 09:12 - United States

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 130

You deserved it 2 050

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 270

You deserved it 4 599

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 138

You deserved it 2 680

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 092

You deserved it 3 090

By AussieG75 - 21/07/2012 04:48 - United States - Saint Augustine

Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 399

You deserved it 2 553

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 942

You deserved it 4 014

Dude, chill out

By U... - 18/08/2023 22:00

Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 937

You deserved it 3 250

By nicetomeetyou2 - 25/09/2013 16:35 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2 p.m. and screamed out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 727

You deserved it 3 515

Drunk dick

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 20:00

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 186

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 2 July 2012 19:01

Hubby: Bless me wifey, for I have sinned... OP: You are forgiven, my hubby. Now go forth and sin no more... Hubby: What!? Hell no!!!! OP: Ok boys, hold him down and shave his head. If he doesn't repent, then continue with the pubes.

HelloGuys 4

Monday 2 July 2012 18:57

You have to give your husband a blessing to go out with his friends?

Comments

bghernandez2011 14

Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:13

I think she meant it was for the bachelor party the day before the wedding... Which definitely sucks if he had awesome hair.

bloodangel494 1

Tuesday 3 July 2012 0:37

Lmao!!!!!!

Factor_fml 6

Tuesday 3 July 2012 1:21

Why'd you want to be with an alcoholic? Life's hard enough as it is, why make it harder for yourself? Those people barged into your home without your permission, and your husband was the reason for it. That kind of thing could repeat any time in the future, do you really want to live wondering when that happens again?

digressions 13

Tuesday 3 July 2012 2:34

Let me get this straigh: He's an alcoholic because he went out ONCE, and things got a little out of hand? That's exceedingly overdramatic. OP implied that this is not a regular occurance. Nobody "barged in without permission" - they had permission from the husband. Sure, it might not have been the smartest idea to come home with drunk friends in tow at 5am, but people don't tend to have excellent judgement while drunk. His wife knew where he was, what he was doing and who he was with (as she most certainly has a right to know, and vice-versa) and no real harm was done. Worst case scenario, if the wife works, she was a little tired at work that day. Hair grows back. Situations like this happen in relationships, and just because a person makes one not-so-smart choice does not make them despisable. Grow up.

jwidmayer 4

Tuesday 3 July 2012 2:31

At least he came home with his buddies and not some random chick

cmb8280 24

Tuesday 3 July 2012 4:23

Omg, why is this so hard for everyone to understand? Hubby says, "Hey babe, I'm gonna go out with the guys tonight." Wifey says, "That's cool, babe, have fun." This story does not make her a psycho, controlling wife, and it does not make him an alcoholic or a bad person! I would've either a. Laughed my ass off then grabbed a beer or b. Laughed my ass off then gone back to bed. Either way, NOT A BIG DEAL! Man y'all are crazy!! Talkin' about divorce and callin' cops and stuff...