Today, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark...

By CrapDay - 18/01/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark to go off to work. I saw what looked like a piece of slime that my children would play with and went to pick it up. Nope. Turns out it was puppy shit. Wet, slimy puppy waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 173

You deserved it 1 794

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 954

You deserved it 467

By AD240Z - 16/12/2016 11:39

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 612

You deserved it 646

By Dogmom - 18/12/2018 17:30

Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 279

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 19:30 - Canada

Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 269

By RustyBulletHole - 04/02/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 168

You deserved it 2 358

By themanzz - 08/10/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 8 641

By SHIT-BREATH - 05/06/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 497

You deserved it 15 110

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 630

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 15:22 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 319

You deserved it 2 576

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 105

RememberSchlitz 9

Thursday 19 January 2017 0:02

<p>If you have a puppy, TRUST NOTHING NEW!</p>

liinkinparkfan97 34

Wednesday 18 January 2017 22:17

Although that is gross and all, you could have turned on a light or something to make sure. At least you know to make sure for next time!

Comments

nattlecakes 19

Thursday 19 January 2017 22:46

I can't walk around my house in the dark for similar reasons. I've stepped in cat barf too many times!

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 4 691

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

The Top

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 546

You deserved it 10 181

Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 632

You deserved it 31 328

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 536

You deserved it 20 192

Today, I walked outside and was so happy about the return of smell of campfires and summer time. I now realize that the campfire smell was a house burning down in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 187

Today, I watched Cast Away with my girlfriend after not seeing it for a year. I forgot how sad it was when Wilson "dies" at the end. I cried. My girlfriend told me to man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 466

You deserved it 25 845

Today, I got the biggest shock in my life, I'm a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 144

Same thing different taste

Good boy

Top of the mornin' to ya!

Top comments

Comments