Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my... - FML

By emperor - 21/07/2009 05:38 - Bangladesh

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 498

You deserved it 30 665

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Kill it with fire

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 06:00 - Germany - Moormerland

Today, my dad reactivated a digital clock we had lying around, and accidentally set an alarm on it. For 1 a.m.. So guess who went hunting for that noise in the middle of night. And guess who banished the thing to the living room, then forgot about it, and slept on the sofa in said living room. Or tried to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 223

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 163

Earplugs

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 22:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, at around 12 a.m. I went to bed, happy that I get to sleep in because I had nowhere be in the morning. Sadly that came to an end when I woke up around 7 a.m. to my mom coming home and screaming because she saw a mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 210

You deserved it 3 812

By poop - 28/02/2012 07:10 - United States

Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 872

You deserved it 12 986

Panic in the sheets

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 03:30

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 570

You deserved it 250

Trashy

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after my dad insisted that the trash go out last night, even though I always take it out in the morning because of the stray dog problem in our neighborhood, I took it anyway to appease him. He woke me up banging on my door and screaming because the strays had thrown the trash all over the road in the night, and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 74

By Username - 04/04/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 298

You deserved it 44 536

By Crippled - 27/12/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 665

You deserved it 2 893

By fml - 20/05/2010 21:32 - Canada

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 993

You deserved it 7 610

Next

Top comments

RitzyHoke 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:07

Your dad ROCKS. Period.

lottofee 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 12:04

muhaha i love your dad!

Comments

Futurecre8 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 9:04

*******...hilarious

ming88 0

Thursday 7 January 2010 12:01

your dad is cool.. either he is very practical or he has a interesting sense of humour..

Jakojan 4

Sunday 21 February 2010 11:52

YDI for not putting your clock somewhere where you cant reach it from the bed...

Quagmire_ladies 9

Saturday 18 September 2010 15:30

LMFAO!!! WIN!

Nadinek98 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 19:56

Ur dad is smart.

namie123 0

Friday 15 April 2011 3:04

he's verra smart

namie123 0

Friday 15 April 2011 3:06

he's verra smart

namie123 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 6:02

he's verra smart

xo_sweetheart_xo 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 5:59

it got you up didnt it hahaha

nickfraxer 0

Monday 29 August 2011 23:49

Good idea!

11
12
13
14
15

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Facebook Am I overreacting? Love Social Media AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Technology Education Relatable Students Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 297

You deserved it 1 134

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 886

You deserved it 61 114

The Top

Today, my son broke up with his fourth girlfriend in a row, because, “all of them get those period things and it’s annoying as fuck.” He’s 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 575

Today, some rando guy from a chat room asked me if I played Smash Bros or Mario Kart and I was like, "FUCK YEAH I play." Then they said, “Add me on Discord and Nintendo!” and I replied, “You bet.” He didn’t want to play Smash Bros, he just wanted the "smash." I ended up having to block him and disinfect my headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 169

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I said yes and started gushing over the wedding, buying a house, having kids… He was smiling up until I mentioned kids. One discussion, followed by one blazing row later, he left with the ring, his clothes, and his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 419

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 209

You deserved it 6 326

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 181

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregnant, she replied, "Is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 843

You deserved it 18 412