Animals: Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs....

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By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 997

You deserved it 3 760

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Same thing different taste

By eightleggedtictac - 08/06/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 787

You deserved it 6 857

Wailing

By katchoo - 03/11/2013 07:34 - Denmark

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 603

You deserved it 8 496

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 752

You deserved it 26 527

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 623

You deserved it 7 929

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 535

You deserved it 3 360

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 265

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 026

You deserved it 5 961

By spiderhater - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 815

You deserved it 5 324

Scream

By dating a pussy - 18/02/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 247

You deserved it 5 762

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 839

lex1459 38

Saturday 20 June 2015 9:30

Honestly, I don't see a better solution than the one your boyfriend found.

theKevmeister 13

Saturday 20 June 2015 9:29

You're lucky he didn't try to burn down the house...

Comments

juliana011 17

Saturday 20 June 2015 15:25

Ew hope he had fun with the clean up ...

fuck_stick 4

Saturday 20 June 2015 15:35

You make it sound like that was a bad decision.....

cheerinbabe 18

Saturday 20 June 2015 15:56

American problems

Eyalsh 32

Saturday 20 June 2015 16:18

'MURICAAAH

jack67_fml 14

Saturday 20 June 2015 16:30

So u thought ur boyfriend was in trouble, and his under the bed instead of trying to help him

AdamTB 26

Saturday 20 June 2015 16:42

She thought her boyfriend had been shot. If what she thought happened had actually happened, she probably would have been shot as well. Hiding and calling the police would have been the right thing to do in that scenario.

loganberrybat 11

Saturday 20 June 2015 17:14

I see a future Oscar Pistorius situation here.

Agent_Pebble 8

Saturday 20 June 2015 18:14

GOOD MAN!!

Larry01_fml 19

Saturday 20 June 2015 19:21

at least he didn't burn the house down

cjfred 13

Saturday 20 June 2015 19:26

*Four* gunshots to take out a tarantula, when scooping it up into a container would have been sufficient? If I were you, OP, I'd be concerned about your boyfriend's (1) eagerness to use a gun when it's completely unnecessary, and (2) terrible aim.

FitFriday 32

Saturday 20 June 2015 19:34

You could use a frying pan, a baseball bat, a shoe, and many other things to squish it, but I think you are forgetting that tarantulas are big enough that if you squish them the innards will make a mess.