Animals: Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs....

By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 990

You deserved it 3 756

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Same thing different taste

By eightleggedtictac - 08/06/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 784

You deserved it 6 855

Wailing

By katchoo - 03/11/2013 07:34 - Denmark

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 600

You deserved it 8 495

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 749

You deserved it 26 523

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 616

You deserved it 7 924

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 359

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 261

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 5 960

By spiderhater - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 801

You deserved it 5 322

Scream

By dating a pussy - 18/02/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 238

You deserved it 5 759

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 831

lex1459 38

Saturday 20 June 2015 9:30

Honestly, I don't see a better solution than the one your boyfriend found.

theKevmeister 13

Saturday 20 June 2015 9:29

You're lucky he didn't try to burn down the house...

Comments

momac86 17

Saturday 20 June 2015 11:13

Bah ha ha what an idiot

thewife2012 4

Saturday 20 June 2015 11:23

more guns. that's how you guys can fix the problem.

iheartstupid 4

Saturday 20 June 2015 11:50

Oh my God, I'm sorry but anyone who reacts to a freaking spider by firing 4 shots at it is a damn psychopath. I'd dump him and get out NOW.

mattiscg 22

Saturday 20 June 2015 12:02

your BF is awsome i think it was an appreciate response to a spider.

96isntassexyas69 20

Saturday 20 June 2015 12:15

Unrelated question, are you from Texas?

Vakama00 13

Saturday 20 June 2015 12:30

'Merica.

Steve_Dudley_UK 10

Saturday 20 June 2015 13:06

Your boyfriend was lucky the tarantula was not armed, just legged.

jables38 11

Saturday 20 June 2015 13:08

So you just have 4 bullet holes in your house now? Sounds like you got a winner

hippodankamus 22

Saturday 20 June 2015 13:08

Is he deaf now? Shooting a gun indoors isn't the greatest thing for your ears.

Steve_Dudley_UK 10

Saturday 20 June 2015 13:11

I would have squashed it with a big book. Though no doubt you have more guns in the house than books.

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You deserved it 141

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I agree, your life sucks 2 150

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 394

You deserved it 9 814

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I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 174

Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 118

You deserved it 900

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 289

You deserved it 2 167

Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 222

You deserved it 2 919

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I agree, your life sucks 6 794

You deserved it 435