Intimacy: Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid...

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By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 437

You deserved it 14 018

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Same thing different taste

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 247

You deserved it 43 588

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 829

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 356

You deserved it 9 840

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 555

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 91 585

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 134

You deserved it 2 680

By nah - 04/02/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 996

You deserved it 7 579

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 181

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 545

You deserved it 87 609

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 082

You deserved it 64 041

bob1124 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:20

So what did you expect? To fall in love and live happily ever after?

fxdxhk90 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:29

There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.

Comments

Heavy_Chimp 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 2:09

Things would have gone better if you would have remembered to wash your face after he 'nutted' on it before you blacked out yourself.

shelboo_fml 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:42

I laughed pretty hard. That's awful for you, but his comment was niceeee. Better luck next time!

beaniebabe 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:13

rudddee

NaturalStar 0

Friday 24 July 2009 13:19

DUUUDE!! THat's just RUDE!! OMG! you shoulda kick or somethin. He shouldn't have said that.

zoolander951 0

Friday 24 July 2009 19:54

of course he COULD of just meant that he was actually a good guy, and didn't mean to have any more 1 night stands. Just sayin...

Fuutballer 0

Tuesday 12 April 2011 2:09

YDI. Maybe don't have a one night stand next time?

livyyyy 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 3:22

all u can say is ouch that's harsh

finalcountdown 3

Wednesday 26 October 2011 22:58

ydi you ****

BlAzEtHiS 0

Saturday 11 February 2012 10:02

That's some pretty harsh shit to say to a one night drunken hook up. You could've at least lied to her a time or two more and then told her to GTFO.

acommonman 23

Thursday 23 April 2015 0:48

does no one have standards now when it comes to sex?

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The Top

Today, the maintenance man for my building fixed my leaky sink. As he headed out the door, I said, "Thanks, Gus!" He turned around and said matter-of-factly, "My name is Eli." I've been addressing him as "Gus" for the past year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 1 314

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall. My mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked, "TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 747

You deserved it 4 072

The Top

Get back to work, you!

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 103

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 168

You deserved it 52 191

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently, I fell asleep with my headphones on, as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test, asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 150

You deserved it 15 576

Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 387

You deserved it 55 858

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 884

You deserved it 2 307

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 602

You deserved it 9 132