Intimacy: Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid...

By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 424

You deserved it 14 012

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 246

You deserved it 43 583

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 819

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 9 837

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 554

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 185

You deserved it 91 571

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 2 676

By nah - 04/02/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 7 579

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 169

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 539

You deserved it 87 599

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 076

You deserved it 64 024

bob1124 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:20

So what did you expect? To fall in love and live happily ever after?

fxdxhk90 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 9:29

There are way too many fmls about drunk sex.

Comments

epicfail13337 4

Sunday 19 July 2009 23:32

Nothing wrong with a one-night stand. Wouldn't have one if I was ugly though. And never have one with a drunk person because you don't really know what they'll think of you when they're sober. People see different things when they're drunk. Even if you think you're attractive don't do it, because you don't know if the other person will think you're attractive.

Brittanii 0

Monday 20 July 2009 0:39

damn... das rude as shitt... dntt. take itt. ta heartt. :(

tjloves904 0

Monday 20 July 2009 2:54

hahah, favorited.

PurpleHaze23 0

Monday 20 July 2009 2:56

Can some of you people stop going all feminist? I'm a girl myself and if someone thinks it's slutty to have one night stands then so be it. Why are you all just focused on defending women? None of these people said "it's slutty to have one night stands IF YOU'RE A WOMAN". They just said it's slutty. Matter of opinion. God, seems like everywhere you go now you find people going all defensive in regards to women's rights out of the blue, even when it's not irrelevant.

PurpleHaze23 0

Monday 20 July 2009 3:01

Even when it's irrelevant*, sorry.

Shadow_Sniper 0

Monday 20 July 2009 9:10

#84 that's only because the word **** implies a woman, not a man. I've never heard of any guy be referred to as 'slutty.'

esushi 0

Monday 20 July 2009 12:12

Uh, what? I know tons of slutty guys, and guys who get called slutty, and guys that I've called slutty. Saying it's gender-specific is extremely misogynistic of you.

Shadow_Sniper 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:40

esushi, do you understand what misogynistic means? Because the fact of the matter is that the word **** usually implies a woman. And although you may have called guys ***** before, I'm sure they didn't take very much offense to it.

Shadow_Sniper 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 20:43

from dictionary.com **** –noun 1. a dirty, slovenly woman. 2. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute. I rest my case.

penny69 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:46

I think you missed my point. every time I read an fml that has to do with a guy having sex, there are not many comments saying that he is a "man *****" or something along those lines. I defend women because I am a woman not because I am a feminist. just like how I would defend human rights because I am a human. you're ugly btw

Colby_Colbert 0

Monday 20 July 2009 5:42

Pwned!!!

islaphippos 0

Monday 20 July 2009 6:28

well what does it matter now, you got some ass right?

daytona81 0

Monday 20 July 2009 6:30

so he fell off the bed but looked down at you? can you please explain...

angel1495 0

Monday 20 July 2009 8:01

#89, the OP said "slid out of bed," not "fell". You can slide out of a bed and put your feet on the ground and, therefore, stand and look down at someone. Think before you write. More people should.

MimiKnox 0

Monday 20 July 2009 10:27

Haha, I'm with him on this one.....the next day when I look at the photos on my camera from the night before, its like 'shiitt, what was I thinking?' coz the guys look drugfucked and the type I would NEVER go for if I was sober. darn beer googles!