Intimacy: Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing...

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By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 127

You deserved it 6 806

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Same thing different taste

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 316

You deserved it 4 757

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 949

You deserved it 7 683

By Inkabadger - 20/11/2009 18:41 - Canada

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 125

You deserved it 4 097

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 199

You deserved it 12 028

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 376

You deserved it 1 414

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 801

You deserved it 3 580

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 213

You deserved it 29 860

Hey good lookin'

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 658

Classic dude moment

By Two hundred down - 06/08/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 297

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 953

You deserved it 50 967

onepctech 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 23:34

Give me a call, I'll make you feel like a woman.

lagoosie 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 23:42

What the hell is up with people trying to play hard to get or trying to seduce people? ******* get off your ass, and tell him you want to be with him. But, yeah FYL AND YDI. Stop playing with yourself, and go play with your husband.

Comments

jakeisgay3397 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:37

since when is a guy not in the mood?

baysidebird88 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:46

uh is your husband gay?

droppinloads 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:46

I guess you'll shag later. I always prefer to work up an appetite. Maybe he was just needing to trim the hedges and scrub up the twig and berries. Sorry about your luck. It would be a pleasure to walk in on that scene!....and go....

omglyktotally78 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:49

Maybe he didn't know what the **** you were doing. For all he knows, you coulda been testing yourself to see if you had breast cancer.

HeyThereGorgeous 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:49

That's when you yell. "actually no it's not. I forgot the nasty mold that's been growing inside it for 10 weeks!"

Essentials 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:51

Don't give up. He's clearly not gotten enough from you in the recent past to know. Oh also, next time, rub him if you want the action.

kissezxoxo 0

Monday 8 June 2009 1:54

men need sex and if he's not getting it from u he's not gunna settle for doing it alone.... so i think you should finish up urself and find out who the other woman is.