Animals: Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to...

By Kitten_Love - 28/01/2013 19:52 - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 118

You deserved it 6 630

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Same thing different taste

Time doesn't always heal

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 09:30 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 206

Like that scene in Alien!

By Orange cat behavior - 13/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 169

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 112

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 745

You deserved it 3 581

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 045

You deserved it 2 358

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 363

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 683

You deserved it 3 453

By elliekilroy - 11/12/2010 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 163

You deserved it 29 134

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 730

You deserved it 8 165

By crazy cat lady - 03/12/2014 23:24 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 346

You deserved it 3 676

ollie179 21

Monday 28 January 2013 23:03

Everyone must of thought you were cool. Carrying pussy in your bag...

Pleonasm 35

Monday 28 January 2013 23:04

Well the cat's out of the bag now.

Comments

Venister 11

Sunday 20 September 2015 5:46

"Allahu Akbar!!!!!"

Shamandalie89 32

Wednesday 18 November 2015 21:01

Omg, that's got to be the cutest FML I've read so far! ^^

KJ6 21

Thursday 23 June 2016 17:05

This is the most adorable thing I have ever read. I can't stop smiling.:)

simplyme486 13

Thursday 21 July 2016 17:22

That is so cute oh my goodness??

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Awkward Embarrassing Health Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Love Weird Work Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Gamers

The Top

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 211

Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview! ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 9

The Top

Today, I was hanging out with my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted to play Twister, and I said no because I thought it would be weird. What was his response? "C'mon. You can leave if it gets sexual". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 458

You deserved it 2 189

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 897

You deserved it 5 674

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 809

You deserved it 12 124

Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 371

You deserved it 18 547

Today, I learned that if you don't wrap your hair around a bristled curling iron the correct way, you end up getting it stuck, not to mention frying it. Three inches of my hair is now in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 107

You deserved it 14 326

Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said "Don't go here, the weed's too expensive." and walked away. Thinking he's coming back to say he's joking, he instead says "Just kidding, its really cheap." and walked away. I may or may not still have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 834

You deserved it 5 105