Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started...

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 770

You deserved it 13 692

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 2 704

By Username - 22/02/2010 05:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 105

You deserved it 3 325

Kinky

By Anonymous - 23/08/2022 12:00 - United States - Fpo

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Once we were cool, we decided to have makeup sex. I tried to change position so we could 69, but I then accidently kicked him in the head. He thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 276

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 8 654

Romance isn't dead

By broken - 13/09/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 001

You deserved it 4 478

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 08:29 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 44 403

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 03:55 - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 771

You deserved it 9 825

Kinky

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 7 879

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 253

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 841

You deserved it 5 087

justmethough 8

Saturday 17 March 2012 1:57

Is it just me or did the word "diddlestick" make everyone's day?

Feared 9

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:02

Fiddle with his diddlestick, and he didn't forgive?... Aw fiddlesticks :(

Comments

th4m4ster 6

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:07

make him a sandwich

GODert 8

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:08

Just fondling doesn't do the trick you have too suck it

WLCD123 0

Saturday 17 March 2012 4:48

To*

DreaminOfMusic 0

Saturday 17 March 2012 5:24

*too

1crabbygirl 10

Saturday 17 March 2012 5:28

New rule: you also have to be able to spell it! DOH!

Llamacod 11

Saturday 17 March 2012 5:42

*also :p

downtime 12

Saturday 17 March 2012 9:09

Despite the grammar, he is kind of right...You just injured the guy, he can touch himself, you're gonna have to do something he can't do to peak his interest again :P

JCLPASCUAL 4

Tuesday 20 March 2012 3:16

haha exactly ^

stevenmx86 7

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:11

Maybe if you had played with his dick then things would've turned out differently...

Zimmington 21

Saturday 17 March 2012 4:20

But maybe that's how small it is. It isn't worthy of being called a dick it's just a diddlestick...

Gondile 4

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:13

I used to lick vaginas like you until I take a knee to the face

Llamacod 11

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:55

Took, its took. You are using the past tense in the rest of the sentence

Gondile 4

Saturday 17 March 2012 3:06

Hmmm yup, my bad.

JumbledGirl 2

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:19

LOOOL

thisiscat 14

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:20

What kind of monster are you!?

Llamacod 11

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:56

A one-eyed snake killer, that's what kind of monster

gantzlord 5

Saturday 17 March 2012 6:28

The kind of monster with a knee that shoots out of it's ****** when excited.

perdix 29

Saturday 17 March 2012 2:23

For a bloody nose OR a black eye, fondling the diddlestick may suffice, but since you caused both simultaneously, you need to toot the diddlestick to earn forgiveness. Thanks for the word "diddlestick." I'm going to put it on my palette right there by blumpkin, plumpa humpa and "beat it like it owes me money."